Page 92 of Reckless
We all laughed at that, relief settling over the room.
I leaped up. “This calls for a celebration.” I went to the bar, poured us each a half glass of champagne, which we held up for a toast. “To new directions and pissing Ron off for good.”
After taking a sip, Ben said, “I guess the New Hope gig will be our farewell. What do you have planned?”
I held my glass up higher. “We’re going to make the New Hope show the best one yet.”
If she said yes.
* * *
It was all coming together.The equipment for tonight’s concert was being set up without a hitch, the fans were being held at bay by our security. We’d decided to announce our decision to end Gaged, it would be a surprise that probably wouldn’t be met with glee. My stomach was going to fly away at any moment if it took on any more butterflies, but I had one more thing to do before I could focus on tonight and Kelly.
I found the man I was looking for behind the stage, haggling with one of the workers over the lighting.
The strangest part for me was now seeing some of myself reflected in Ron’s face. It wasn’t like looking in a mirror, there were only small similarities, but there were enough—the cut of his jaw, the way he held himself.
Ron excused himself from his conversation to come over and shake my hand.
“I know this is strange for you.” He tucked his hands together behind his back when I kept my hands at my sides.
“I never thought I would want to meet you…” While I couldn’t quite say the wordDadyet, I was seeing new aspects to Ron that I hadn’t before. Namely, I was seeing that part of his hard-nosed attitude came from his removed position in my life and the need to see to it that I succeeded, even if he couldn’t play the role of father. “But now, I don’t think I’d have made it here, to this point in my career, without you.”
There was a long pause. “I’m so sorry about Babs. She was always so vivacious, I regret agreeing to her way of things. I should have acted long ago instead of being your father on the periphery.”
The same voice I’d listened to for years when it came to the subject of my father piped up.Don’t hold out any hope.Don’t expect anything, then you can’t be let down.
Maybe it was time I took a chance.
“I think she would be happy enough with the way things have gone. She made her peace and made sure everyone else would be alright, just like she always did.”
“I’m…” Ron stared intently at me. “I’m glad she did, it means she actually trusted me enough to allow me in your life. A trust I don’t deserve.”
“Why did you agree to her plan?” I didn’t mean for the words to come out, but the question had haunted me. Instinctively, my arms folded across my chest while I waited for his answer.
“I…I’m really ashamed to say this. I’ve tortured myself over it. You can hate me for it, I wouldn’t blame you. After my wife went into remission, I just couldn’t give her such news. She was delicate, and the boys were clingy. Time passed so quickly. I swear, I thought of you every day, wondered…” His gaze shifted past my shoulder and the look in his eyes was very far away. “When I saw you in that competition when you were in high school, then ran into Babs in the audience, I knew right away that I could help you reach your full potential. And I convinced myself it would be enough, being near you. You seemed to have done great without me, and I thought it’d only make your life a wreck if you knew.”
“I spent years hating you. So, it’s difficult to see it your way, but I’m trying.”
He nodded somberly. “I honestly don’t have an excuse. I was an idiot, and it’s something I hate myself for.”
“Mom would say there’s no room in the world for hate.”
Ron smiled. “Of course she would. Babs never hated anyone. She was a kickass woman.”
“Well, I appreciate you telling me the truth.”
He rocked back on his heels, his expression growing serious. “You aren’t alone though, even if you don’t want me around, you have two half-brothers.”
“Siblings…that’s so strange to think about.”
Ron’s facial expression shifted as a range of thoughts seemed to cross his mind. “Look, I know you might not want to ever see me again after today,” we’d let Ron know our decision as a band, “but I would be happy for you to meet them. I came clean to them recently, and they’re open to it.”
He’d just offered me an unexpected chance at a family, if I wanted it. A father, brothers.
“That’s really kind of you, I appreciate it. Can I think on that?” It was one thing to accept having a father in my life. Older brothers? I was making a lot of changes and wanted to do this one step at a time.
“Of course. I just want you to know that we’re here for you. Without your mother around anymore, I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone.”
