Page 18 of Reckless
“Alright then. Sorry. I don’t know where my head is at the moment.”
“Of course, that makes sense. Just take care. Speak soon.”
“Thank you, Andy.”
I stared at the screen as it went dark, wishing I could dive into it, dive back into where I was before. I wanted my life, the shallow one I’d enjoyed before that phone call from Mom, before I’d ever looked into the blue eyes that didn’t sparkle the way they used to.
I closed my eyes, envisioning myself in some random city, backstage after an explosive gig, ready to head out for drinks and fun with Ben and the women who were easy to find and just as easy to forget. Unlike the girl I’d been singing about at the start of every concert since I’d left this godforsaken town. I wanted to go back to where things were simple, and I didn’t have a thing to worry about because someone else took care of every situation, sometimes before it even had a chance to happen.
Now, the weight of the world slumped painfully on my shoulders. But it was my own fault for not coming back these last seven years.
I’m going to stay.At least that choice felt like the right one.I’m going to be here for Mom. Gaged will have to wait. My life in New York will have to wait.
I had to face this, be strong for Mom—not annoy her so much that she wouldn’t want me around at all. If I kept my mood up, at least in front of her, then maybe I could actually do her some good.
Kelly’d said the best thing I could do was be there and listen. Even I could manage that.
Back on the third floor of the hospital, I peered inside Mom’s room. “Hi, are you feeling all right?” The words left my mouth at warp speed. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m good. I have all these wonderful nurses looking after me. Kelly even checked.” She looked up at me from the bed, studying my face. “Come and sit down.”
“Sorry I lost my temper earlier.” Her eyebrows rose, and I settled into the chair next to her bed. “It won’t happen again.”
“I know this is upsetting news, sweetheart, and I understand why you feel like you do, but for me, it’s almost a relief. At first, when I was diagnosed—”
“You should have told me. I would have made sure you had the best, most cutting-edge treatment.”
Her long sigh barely caused her chest to move. “I’m sorry, and yes, I should have told you right away. I just thought for sure I would be one of the ones to beat it, and then you’d never have to worry or take time away from your exciting life.”
The air escaped my lungs, and I hung my head.
“And you know I just take things as they come and wrestle them to the ground. This one wrestled me…”
My mind finished the sentence for her…to the ground.Into the ground.I had the horrible vision of my beautiful, larger than life mother lying cold and shrunken in a coffin.
Mom was still talking, so I forced myself to focus back on her words. “…have had a wonderful life. It is what it is.”
It is what it is. Jesus.
I sighed and shook my head slightly. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m just finding it hard to take in, that’s all.”
“Of course you are.” Her grin lit up the room, and I tried my hardest to match it. “But it’ll be fine. You’ll be okay. You’re much too busy for me these days anyway.” Guilt cascaded through me like a tsunami. “Oh, don’t look like that. You know I’m joking. You’re on the top of the world with your band, which is where you should be.”
“I should have been around more.”
A small smile played on her lips. “Well, I won’t disagree with that, but only because I wish I could’ve kept a better eye on you.”
I knotted my eyebrows together. “Mom, you don’t need to keep an eye on me. I’m fine.”
She scoffed, a sound I remembered well from my childhood. “You say that, but I’m not so sure.”
“What on earth are you talking about? Stop beating around the bush, it doesn’t suit you.”
She tossed her head back and gave a loud belly laugh. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“So, what are you trying to say? I don’t look well-fed enough? Well-dressed? What?”
“No, you look good. That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m more concerned about your lifestyle.”
