Page 19 of Reckless
I studied her. It was unlike my mother to keep her thoughts to herself. But in all the chats we’d had in the past, she’d never been outwardly critical of me. “My lifestyle?”
“The drinking, the partying, the women…you might think I don’t know about that, but I do. We get newspapers and gossip magazines here too. You’re also on the Internet a lot and sometimes TV. Like the time they showed you on that tell-all show with that woman from the daytime soap opera.”
I’d forgotten about that. The actress I’d dated for a total of two weeks had been an absolute nightmare. One date spiraled into something much bigger, thanks to the paparazzi. Even now an online search for me brought up her name too.
“Mom, that was last year. I’m not with Tamara any longer, and it was never serious like the media blew it up to be.”
I got a soft snort in response. “Oh, I know. You’re never with anyone for very long.”
“That’s because I’m only twenty-five years old. I don’t need to settle down today.”
The snort was louder this time. “So, now you’re too young, but when you were sixteen it was okay?”
The room practically buzzed with her words. I could hardly believe we were having this conversation. Sometimes, my mom’s insistence on saying whatever was on her mind bordered on unbelievable.
“We arenotdiscussing this.”
“Why not? She’s here, which means you’re going to see a lot of her since you’re sticking around, so it seems like the perfect time to have this conversation.”
I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “That’s in the past, Mom. I can barely even remember it now.” Or I wished that were so, anyway.
Her eyes widened in exaggerated disbelief. “You can’t remember being with Kelly Cavendish? You can’t recall the wonderful love that you two shared? Do you think I’m an idiot?”
“Of course not.” How could I explain this in a way that would get her off my back? “It ended seven years ago.”
“It didn’t end because the two of you fell out of love, though, did it? It ended because of that horrible car accident. If that hadn’t happened, if Kelly hadn’t lost everything, if that band hadn’t snapped you up at exactly the same moment, you would still be together now.”
My heart clenched so hard it actually hurt. “No, Mom,” I insisted through my teeth, “we wouldn’t. I still would have joined up with the band, still would have formedGaged,and she still would have wanted to stay here. It never would’ve worked. I wouldn’t wish what happened to Kelly and her family on anyone, but that isn’t what destroyed us. We were headed to the end anyway.”
Mom cocked an eyebrow at me. “And you expect me to believe that, do you? You don’t think that might be why you constantly have a string of women in your life, and none of them stick because you left your heart with the poor girl so long ago? Why you haven’t set foot in this town until now.”
“Mom, I’m not having this conversation with you. To steal your line…it is what it is.” I scraped the chair back and pushed into a standing position. “I’m going to get a soda from the machine, you want one?”
I could tell she wanted to argue, but after a moment, she offered me a soft smile. “A sip of Coke sounds lovely. And maybe you don’t want to talk about it now, fine, but wewilltalk about it. So get good and ready.”
I scrubbed my fingers through my hair and leaned over her, trying to make her really hear what I had to say. “Mom, it’s done. Please don’t dredge it up. I’m not back for Kelly Cavendish, I’m here for you.”
I turned and headed toward the door, but not before Mom got her last word in. “That may be so, but she might just be the silver lining in the black cloud.”
Ripping the door open, I was almost desperate to escape the room. It was the black cloud I needed to focus on right now. Or was she referring to my behavior as the black cloud? Fuck me standing. Somehow, I was going to have to make it through this, and I had no idea how.
Confronting my mom with a terminal condition was one thing. Facing Kelly again and realizing that I could stay away another seven years, hell, seventy years and I’d still get lost in her eyes with the first glance from her…
I had my other life waiting for me, and Kelly made it clear seven years ago that the rock star life wasn’t the one she wanted to live. On that horrible night when she screamed at me to leave, she told me that she refused to be one of my groupies. She told me that we were different people with different hopes and dreams. She told me she didn’t want or need me anymore.
It was highly unlikely that had changed.
Kelly and I would always be in the past, even if there was still something between us.
Which left me caught up in a rat’s nest of regrets, memories, and a flame I’d thought had been extinguished. In all that mess, one thing was clear.
I was fucked.
