Page 22 of Reckless
“It isn’t always simple,” I replied quietly, not sure how he’d take my words. “There are so many contributing factors to good care and options, it isn’t just hospital location. The hospital stays up-to-date on the newest treatments. Plus, Babs will have towantto go somewhere else for more treatments. You can’t force her to go.”
“Don’t get me started on what my mom wants. She just wants to lay back and die.”
“I’m not sure it’s like that. Babs has always been so realistic.”
When the elevator doors opened, he stepped out and I followed. “Well, this time she’s just being selfish. She isn’t thinking about how it’ll affect me after.”
We fell into silence as we surveyed the roasted chicken, meatloaf, and sides the cafeteria offered. On the spur of the moment, I had the service worker pack our food in Styrofoam containers.
“Let’s get some air,” I told him and grabbed both containers before he could argue about that too.
Lookout Park seemed like the natural place to go since we were having mild spring weather. It held a lot of memories for us because we hung out a lot herebefore, but I hoped being in nature, in the calm and quiet would help ease this emotional turmoil out of his system.
As we wandered past the brown and green gazebo near the entrance of the park, my stomach flip-flopped. I’d forgotten we shared our first kiss there until this very moment. It had been the moment that forged us together for a year and a half. The pressure of his lips on mine, the taste of his tongue, the way the birds chirping faded away was deeply ingrained within me. Coming here in the years since, I’d pushed it out of my memory so I could get on with life.
I couldn’t ignore it any longer though, not with Gage by my side.
Gage stopped and looked at the gazebo. “Let’s sit in here.”
Prickles needled all over my skin. I darted my eyes sideways at Gage to see if he was having the same thoughts, but the only thing I could detect was a deep glower.
“What do you think, Kelly?” Gage said, sitting as I handed him his container. “About Mom, I mean. Do you think I’m overreacting by wanting to get a second opinion? By wanting her somewhere else? Am I just supposed to be okay with all of this? I can’t accept it like Mom has, I keep thinking there should be more. I don’t want to regret not doing something that could help her.”
I braced myself, knowing I had an answer he might not like. But he needed the truth.
“I can tell you that Dr. King and his team are amazing, and I know that he has already consulted with experts at the leading cancer center in the state. Sure, you might get better facilities at a bigger hospital, but when it comes to your mom, I don’t think you will get a better answer.” Gage listened intently, his expression frozen. “Trust me, I understand how hard it is to get the news you have, but no amount of money will change it.”
He looked away, across the open field to the tree line, his lunch forgotten.
“Gage…” I added softly, “do you want to put her through a long list of painful tests when she’s already had the ones she needs? Put her in some test study so they can inject her with things that will make her sicker for the sake of giving her a few extra weeks. Very sick extra weeks.”
His entire body seemed to deflate. “Oh god, I sounded really arrogant when I said that, didn’t I?”
My eyebrows went up, and I cocked my head to the side in silent agreement.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Shit. I’ve made a total ass out of myself since I got here.”
“No.” I shook my head, but he gave me a knowing look. I smiled, unable to help it. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but no one will judge you.”
He blew out a breath and shoved his hands awkwardly in his pockets, slouching as he hooked his foot around a board beneath the seat. He managed to look much more like the boy I once knew rather than the man he’d become. I felt a deep tug in my abdomen, like an invisible hand was trying to yank me toward him, and I almost moved to slip under his arm like I used to, as if we were still together. I caught myself just in time.
“You know, I’ve missed this place a lot,” he mused, thankfully dragging me from my inner fight. “I love all these quaint buildings. Everything in New York is so larger than life. So gritty. New Hope has all these really sweet places.”
He turned toward me, and from the liquid look in his eyes, I knew he’d remembered the kiss.
“I-I suppose it does. I guess I’m used to it. And I’ve never been to New York, so I have nothing to compare it to.”
“My favorite is the old train depot…you know, with the turret.”
I nodded and smiled to myself. “I remember thinking that a princess lived there when I was really young. I actually thought it was a castle.”
His lips curved up slightly. “Oh yeah, I can just imagine that. Some mini goblin princess maybe.”
I tossed my head back and laughed, glad to hear Gage sounding a little bit more like his old self. He’d have ups and downs, that was normal. “I would like that job. Mini Goblin Princess.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure you need a new job. I think you’re doing brilliantly at being a nurse.”
Something deep inside of me shifted as his compliment sent waves of pleasure racing through me. I needed to shut this shit down, and quick.
But when he nudged me playfully, a tingling where his shoulder touched mine shot sparks up my arm and through my torso. “I mean it, you’re amazing. Mom is impressed too. It seems like you were born to help people.”
“Thanks…that means a lot.”
“Well, it’s true. I’m sure all your patients think so.” He leaned forward, moving until I was practically forced to look him in the eye. “But it’s not what you want, is it?”
