Page 56 of Reckless
“Chocolate brownies for medicine…I remember that working very well.”
“I always yearn for something sweet whenever I’m ill. That’s your fault.”
Mom laughed, and the sound was lovely. My life had always been fun-loving with Mom, that was how I wanted our time together to end. I knew I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to her. Not in words anyway.
“And do you remember that night I’d been to one of the senior kid’s parties?”
“Very well, young man.” She glared at me. “You came home drunk. I was all kinds of mad then.”
“I know, knew from your eyes the moment I walked in that I really was in for it that time.”
“Well…underage drinking, honestly!”
“Are you trying to convince me right now that you, Babs Strickland, never did anything naughty when you were a kid? You didn’t touch booze until you were the legal age to do so?”
“Ah, now I never said that, but if you remember right, you had school the next day.”
“Oh, I remember. My first hangover at school put me off drinking for a very long time.”
“Well, that was my plan.”
This was what destroyed me. She wasn’t just my mom, but my best friend too. Cancer was taking both away from me, and it wasn’t fair. I needed her, I didn’t want her to go. But there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to change any of it.
And I despised not having control.
“I also recall when you brought Kelly home for the first time…as your girlfriend anyway. I’d never seen you so lit up, you were like an overloaded Christmas tree. That was the moment I knew she was going to stick around.” She sighed and looked away, her gaze distant, like she was looking back into the past. “No one could predict that horrible car crash. It shocked everyone. But it just shows you, doesn’t it? You never know what will happen tomorrow. Life will always be far too short, even if you live for years, so you should make the most of today.”
“I’m trying my hardest, but it’s…” My throat closed up.
“Now, now.” Mom spotted the emotion before I could push it back down. “Don’t cry, Gage. I know this sucks. It sucks for me too, but I’ve made my peace. Just know that you’ve lit up my life and made it amazing. I wouldn’t have had any of the joy that was mine if it weren’t for you. Having you was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I’m glad it was just me and you, Mom. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”
“So, you’re sure you don’t want to know about your father then?” Her expression was wistful. She had to try one last time, almost as if she couldn’t help herself.
“That’s a hard no, Mom. I don’t need him, I’ll always have you. How can I possibly ever need anyone else?”
“You bet your ass you’ll always have me. I’ll always be watching over you, so you need to behave.” She pointed a bony finger at me.
“I’ll see what I can do, Mom, but I can’t make any promises, you know me.”
How was I going to let this woman go? I held her hand and leaned over until my head was next to hers on the pillow, the way she had laid with me when I was a kid when I wouldn’t go to sleep.
I could see her pulse in her neck. Her heartbeat was slow, reminding me of a clock ticking down minute by minute.
One day it would just stop keeping time.
