Page 70 of Reckless
My ears were buzzing, and I became acutely aware that being with Kelly made the rest of the world melt away. Disappear. When I was with her, I forgot about everything and everyone.
I couldn’t look away from her piercing blue eyes. Almost feared that if I wasn’t looking at her, she might vanish. At the same time, I didn’t want her to be a witness to my pity party. I’d prefer to get through her visit putting across the image that I had it all together. That I wasn’t shattered.
So I soothed. “It’s not a mistake. Us in the same place could never be a mistake.”
She nodded. “Andy called, but not for me to babysit you. He called because he knew I’d want to see you.”
“And you do…want to see me, I mean?”
Her eyes glittered, and the very tip of her nose turned pink. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“I guess it’s just hard for me to believe you’d come here for me, after the way I left. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”
Her lips pursed, telling me there’d be more she would have to say about that later, but she nodded. “It was an emotional time.”
“Well, it shouldn’t have happened.”
“At least you didn’t curse me first.” She smiled wryly, and I knew she was talking about the way she’d reacted after her dad and brother’s deaths.
We understood one another better now, in every way. I got why she pushed me away when we were younger, and she got why I did the same three months ago. Both times I’d stayed away when I should have come for her, but I’d make that up to her. I swore I would.
“So…” Kelly wandered around the room, peeking out the curtains at the view of the Golden Gate Bridge, “things have been…what?”
“Things have been shit.” A weight fell off me at the admission. “I haven’t dealt with losing Mom well.”
“No, I didn’t think you would. I should’ve come sooner.”
“It wouldn’t have done any good. I’ve been pushing everyone away. You would have been a casualty of that.”
She nodded, a slow dip of her head. “I remember that feeling, like no one else could possibly understand.”
“When did it let you go?”
She looked down. “I don’t know if it ever did. I just…learned to live with it.”
I nodded. I hadn’t been expecting a much better report. But Kelly was solid, and right now, she was the most dependable thing in my life, other than the boys. “Thank you. I can’t tell you how much you being here means to me.”
She finally smiled, knocking me back with the glow.
For the first time in seven long years, I began to hope.
