Page 89 of Reckless
“I’m just sick.” I hiccupped a sob, the words sounding weak even to me. I squeezed my eyes closed. “It’ll be alright. I don’t need a pregnancy test.”
“You need a pregnancy test!” shouted Violet.
I stood and looked in the mirror, then muttered, “I need a pregnancy test.”
That night, in the privacy of my own little house with Prince Charming and Snow White blinking at me from the floor of the bathroom, I took aim and peed on the little white stick.
When the little wand told me I was going to be a mother, I couldn’t stop repeating it.
“I’m going to be a mother.”
“I’m going to be a mother,” I said to Prince Charming, who cocked his head and whined.
“I’m going to be a mother,” I repeated to Queen, who turned her nose up and leaped up on the bed for a nap, as if she knew she wouldn’t be getting enough rest pretty soon.
All alone.I’m going to be a mother.
I burst into tears.
* * *
The next day,at the spa with Mom, I was having a hard time holding in the words. Thank God my face was covered with a tingly scrub that made my skin feel like it would crack if I spoke.
“I can’t believe we’ve never been to Nurture before,” Mom said, sighing. “I’m going for a mud bath next. You gonna join me?”
“An actual bath in mud?” I laughed as the attendant wiped the concoction from my face. “Of course I am. What could be better than that?” I briefly worried whether mud could hurt the baby.Baby. It hadn’t sunk in yet, that I was a mother, was going to have a baby in, from what I’d calculated, seven short months. In the summer, I would be a mother.
“Are you coming?” Mom asked after the mask was wiped from our faces. In the summer, she would be a grandmother.
“That was incredible.”
“I know. And the gentleman who gave your massage earlier was extremely handsome. I think he was flirting with you, you lucky thing.”
“Mom! I can’t believe you just said that. He’s what, fresh out of college?”
“I know, but having a boy toy is all the rage, isn’t it? Everyone’s doing it, especially…” she rolled her eyes, “twenty-three-year olds.” She ignored my scowl as she went on, “You know Miss Turner, who lives near the school? She’s been dating a twenty-seven-year-old for weeks now.”
“Oh my god, really?”
“Yeah, she has, and she’s never been happier. That’s all I’m saying about it.”
The laugh that rolled up out of me was a belly laugh like I hadn’t experienced in years. With it, it was like some of the tension between Mom and me broke off and fell away.
It was weird to talk with Mom about her dating somebody new. It wasn’t something I’d ever had to deal with before, but perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Hopefully, she’d stay away from the young masseuse, of course, and find someone much more suited to her.
“What happened to your ‘man friend?’” I asked.
Mom waved my question away. “He was only to pass the time, nothing serious. You want to talk about…you know, what happened with Gage?”
I blanched at his name. I wanted to talk to her, wanted to tell her she was going to be a grandmother. I just needed some time.
“Not yet, Mom. I’m okay. I’m just…you know, getting through every day.” We entered a room with side-by-side tubs sunken in the floor, dim lighting giving the perfect ambiance.
“Let me know when you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
The relaxing day with Mom seemed to stick throughout the week and even into the next. As Thanksgiving passed, I began to get used to the fact thatI was going to be a mother, and started to think of tiny pink or blue outfits and rocking chairs and strollers. And nurseries. I would need a nursery.
