Page 1 of Rise
1
Natalia
I gazeup through the back window, my eyes squinting at the sight of the cloudless sky, a dazzling blue while the late morning sun climbs to its peak. I know what I have to do yet for the past few minutes, I’ve been frozen in one spot, incapable of making mynext move.
Running shaky fingers down the side of my neck, I lean my head to one side and close my eyes, hoping to tap into any courage I might have left. It’s hard, though. So fucking hard to do what needs to be done when fear has my heart pounding so loudly that it’s threatening to drown out my will to survive.
I need help.
I need my family. My friends.
Father.
Nonna.
Tammy Lou.
Cassandra.
Antonio.
Mom.
Vinny.
My chest goes tight and my breath won’t move past the hard lump in my throat as the last three names enter my thoughts.
Antonio.
I won’t see the man my heart yearns for, the one whose touch I’ve been longing for. Not for a long time. It’s been long weeks since I felt his strong armsaround me, his hot body against mine, inside of me. But when I shut my eyes tight and picture him standing in front of me, it’s almost like he’s here. Almost. We’re both better off if I don’t go home. Of that, I’m certain. I hate that it’s true, but there’s no going back. Not now.
Mom.
I miss my mother so much. The pain feels so fresh. It’s as though I’ve just lost her all over again.In a way, I have. I lament over the fact that I no longer have those letters she wrote to me. I don’t regret leaving them with Tammy Lou. I’m glad I did. At least there’s a chance I’ll see them again. But for now, my biggest regret is that I didn’t read them all, and that I didn’t memorize even one of them. While those bad men held me captive, I was able to remember a few bits and pieces. Thetime capsule she and her friends buried out in the yard. How much she loved me and Father. The way she explained her insights about our mob family. Her love for writing. Her cute way of referring to me as different types of fruit as I grew in her belly. Her enjoyment of these very mountains around me here in Colorado. If this disaster ever blows over, if I survive this, the first place I’ll go isto Tammy Lou’s doorstep. The first thing I’ll do if I return to New Jersey is to read Mom’s letters and memorize every single word she left behind for me.
And Vinny.
For my friend, all I feel is guilt. My mind replays the last time I laid eyes on him. I’ve replayed the image of him on his knees a thousand times while I was locked up in the dark, dirty hole. That automatic handgunpointed at the back of his head. The way he kept fighting, struggling against the two men that held him firmly in his spot on the tarmac. It’s not fair that he and the rest of Father’s men at the private airstrip had to pay such a high price. Just for me. They were killed protecting me. There’s no way any of them survived. And I’ll never be able to thank them for their sacrifice.
I takea long breath, and my resolve returns.
The only way I can show my gratitude is to get out of this alive.
My survival will make a difference.
They won’t have died for nothing.
Their deaths won’t be in vain so long as I’m still breathing.
I have to make it. All of it. The only help I’m going to receive is the help I give myself. The help I grasp hold of and take,like when I jumped into the little space in this stranger’s tow truck and hid. This one stroke of luck won’t last forever. I’m only going to be free from these people who took me if I take that freedom and use it to get far, far away from here.
With my eyes still closed, I push away the prick of tears that start to form and picture my mother’s family crest in the spot where it used to hangfrom my vanity mirror.
I can do this.
I have to.
