Page 75 of The Holidays with Mr. Mitchell
“No shit,” Jake clapped me on my shoulder. “You didn’t bitch about a damn thing. Impressive.”
“I figured if I complained, I’d wind up trending on social media again,” I said with a wink to my wife.
“You still might,” Collin warned. “Cameras were everywhere in that place.”
My stomach tightened. “At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m just curious what they’d say about me doing yoga in a damn robe.”
“Oh, I can think of a few things,” Collin said, lifting his glass. “We should get the footage and test that theory.”
“I think the world has seen enough of my brother’s sorry ass for one year,” Jake chuckled.
“Good to know you feel that way,” I said, arching a brow. “So, if this wasn’t another one of your stunts to get me a new hashtag, what was all that supposed to accomplish?”
“I told you,” Jake said. “The best sex comes after all this.”
Avery laughed. “We all seriously failed that union-therapy thing we just did.”
“Yeah, and after this dipfucker forced me into a wall of candles and poinsettias, I’m far from achieving this sexual greatness that Jake keeps lying about.”
“It’s not a lie. You’ll see,” Ash said, sliding closer to Jake. “Right now, we’re in theicephase. It’s part of theelementalbalanceprogram. They use extreme temperature shifts to release tension.”
Collin eyed her. “So, we freeze our asses off, then what, have sex to thaw out?”
“Then we dofire therapy,” Jake said, clearly thrilled with himself.
I took a drink. “Is this how you secretly get your kink these days, Jakey? Freeze your balls off, then roast them like chestnuts on an open fire?”
“It’s not kink, it’s chemistry,” Ash said with the fluttery excitement of a butterfly in a rose garden. “The heat relaxes every muscle, restores circulation. It’s all about resetting the nervous system.”
Jake nodded, grinning. “Exactly. You go from shock to release. The cold constricts everything, and the heat dilates. It’s biology, and it fucking heightens everything.”
Avery raised an eyebrow. “Everything, eh?”
“Everything,” Jake said. “Touch, heartbeat, response time. You’re basically hacking your body into remembering what connection feels like.”
“Sounds like foreplay disguised as therapy,” I muttered.
“That’s because itis,” Jake said, dead serious. “We do the ice part first because it builds anticipation. The fire therapy next, as it floods your system with endorphins and oxytocin. You rewire yourself for intimacy.”
“Oxytocin,” I said. “Of course. You always did have a scientific explanation for your insane bullshit.”
“Not bullshit, Jimmy,” Jake corrected. “Optimization.”
Collin groaned. “I’ll stick with the heat from my whiskey therapy.”
Ash smiled sweetly. “You’ll thank me when you’re glowing.”
“I glow after two bourbons,” he said.
The server appeared with a tray of smoking crystal glasses. “Prepare for your round ofArctic Elixirs,” she announced.
I watched, intrigued as the mist curled off the rims like dry ice meeting champagne.
“More science,” Jake said, grabbing his.
“I feel like we’re at some weird bar in Star Wars,” I chuckled, before taking a sip.
The cold bit first, then warmth bloomed down my chest, a perfect contradiction. “Wow,” I studied the contents of the glass. “Impressive.”
