Page 4 of Falling for Him
Without giving me a chance to deny him again, he leads me toward the dance floor where others are swaying to the music.
I can’t help but feel like everyone is watching, yet as I scan over the room, they all appear to be in their own little worlds.
“Lex.” I take a slow deep breath, looking up at him. Bennett is standing before me, his hand still firmly holding mine, as he waits. He is giving me time, giving me the opportunity to choose the next step. I know him, even if I try to convince myself that he is some guy that is just like all the others. Selfish, cruel, and disloyal, I know that is nothing more than a lie. Bennett may not always make the right choices, but there is one thing that is true, he is compassionate, he is caring, and I know he would never intentionally hurt anyone.
“One dance,” I say, moving in a little closer and placing my free hand on his chest. Those two words are all it takes for him to wrap me in his arms and emotions instantly fill me. Emotions that I’m having a difficult time controlling. I don’t want to feel safe with him, I don’t want to feel like in his arms are the only place I ever want to be. Having those thoughts will only lead to heartache.
I did this once. I allowed myself to believe that he and I could be more. In the end I was left shattered, left feeling like I wasn’t enough.
But the longer he holds me, the more I fall. The harder it is for me to keep my mind from playing tricks on me.
The gentle stroke of his thumb at the center of my back, the feeling of his breath fanning out over my shoulder, it’s all too much. A single tear falls and trails along my cheek and I bite my lip in attempt to hold back my emotions.
“I need some air,” I say in a rush, stepping away. I can’t look at him. I can’t risk seeing the hurt in his eyes. I’m not strong enough.
Instead I hurry across the room and rush toward the first exit I see. Pushing open the door, stepping out onto the terrace, I grip the railing and bow my head. My throat is on fire, my stomach in knots.
The cool night air triggers a round of goosebumps to cover my arms, a shiver chasing them as it racks through my body.
“Lexi.” One word, my name whispered from behind, and I give in and allow myself to tumble.
CHAPTER FIVE
Bennett
The shudderingof her shoulders is too much and I move forward wrapping my arms around her from behind. Holding her tightly to my chest I say nothing more, knowing I’ve already somehow pushed her over the edge.
Lexi has spent weeks, months even, doing everything possible to hold onto the tough girl vibe. She is tough, but she also is vulnerable, and I hate that she feels like she can’t be in front of any of us. Her giving in to that side of herself isn’t going to make any one of us see her differently.
Her body remains ridged in my arms and I close my eyes tight, fighting the urge to tell her I’m here for her. I’ve been at a loss. Unsure of what to say or how to act. I screwed up royally with Lexi.
I know had I not been a fool months ago and opened my damn eyes I would have saved her from ever falling back into old habits with a man that mistreated her.
I still see red when I think of what her ex put her through. How he held her against the wall outside the bar, yelling at her with his nose so close to hers I am sure they touched at some point.
She looked terrified.
All I wanted to do then was hurt him.
In the process she was trapped in the middle and I’ll never forgive myself for that either.
I want to protect her, I want to ensure her that she’ll never feel that fear again. But I also don’t want to say anything that makes her feel like running from me. That is all she has been doing since that night. Running from her friends, hiding out from everyone that loves her. It’s almost like she is too afraid to let us love her. Like she feels undeserving.
“You have to stop this,” she whispers but I feel how her body finally relaxes back into mine.
“Stop what?”
“Feeling like you have something to make up for.” She moves forward and turns to face me. Her eyes are glossy from unshed tears, her nostrils flaring, her chest rising with each breath she takes as she does all she can to hold on to her emotions. “What happened to me at the bar that night, that’s on me, and only me. I went back to a guy that I already knew treated me badly. I’d been there once, I lived it once.”
“That’s on him,” I say in a rush reaching out for her but she pushes my hand away. The tightening in my chest from her dismissal hits hard and I lift my hand rubbing at the spot. Her gaze shifts and I notice her throat bobs as she swallows hard and it’s then I know she feels it too.
“I know I didn’t ask for him to hurt me, but I’m saying I’m the one that put myself in that position. I don’t blame you.”
“I pushed you away when I shouldn’t have.”
“So because you decided you didn’t want the same things I wanted you’re to blame for everything that happens to me from that moment forward?”
“First of all.” I wait for her eyes to lock with mine, ensuring she is watching me before continuing. “It was never about not wanting the same things?—”
