Page 41 of Deadly Aloha
Chapter Nine
Lu
Two Months Later
On my first day of preschool, a little girl with slanted eyes and a wide smile walked up to me and declared we were going to be best friends. I’d been a shy kid, and hadn’t really known what to say, so I just agreed. From that day on, Nishi and I were glued at the hip.
I was an only child who always wanted a sister and Nishi was the youngest of five siblings, who were all much older than her. We fit, even though we were nothing alike. Nishi was outgoing, fun-loving, and a little naïve. She was entirely too gullible for her own good. That was where I came in. I was the more reserved of the two of us, the one who was more cautious. Nishi had what I called a Valkyrie mindset. Theooh, shinyspending habits, not thinking about the fact that just because she had the money today, didn’t mean she didn’t need that money tomorrow. It got to the point where she gave me her credit cards and bank information after she nearly got evicted for late payments for the second time.
Though she had her faults, her heart was pure gold. She would give a homeless man the shirt off her back. I loved her generosity, even if it did get her into trouble at times.
If Nishi hadn’t walked up to me that day on the playground, I didn’t know where I’d be today,whoI would be today. She got me to live outside my safety net, to take chances, and remember that life was about more than responsibilities.
I would have never met Aloiki without her.
Nishi was the one who wanted to go to that bonfire party. And when the hot surfer on the waves was done showing off and came back onto shore to get a beer? Nishi had been the one to knock me into him when I would have been content just to stare all night.
I’d had my fair share of boyfriends over the years. Nishi and I had a pact that we would never allow a penis to come between us, and one never had. While I knew Nishi wasn’t Aloiki’s favorite person in the world, he always respected our friendship, which made me fall for him all the harder. Nishi had broken me out of my shell to become a woman who could even catch a man like Aloiki’s eye. And then Aloiki woke up a fire inside of me I hadn’t even known existed. I fell for him. Hard, fast, irreversible.
I owed both of them so much in helping to form who I was today.
Aloiki’s and my relationship wasn’t perfect. It never would be, but it wasours. Even as I walked out his front door, I knew I would never love anyone the way that I loved him. But that was also the reason I had to leave.
I loved my home. I had as much pride as the next Hawai‘ian, but there was a difference between loving my land and risking my life for it. In the beginning, I’d admit, it was exciting. I thought of Aloiki like the Hawai‘ian version of Batman. The Protector of O‘ahu.
But there were only so many scrapes and cuts and bruises and broken bones that my heart could handle before it cracked. And then that awful day came.
Iknewsomething had gone wrong. I knew it, but Aloiki wouldn’t tell me what. The fact thathewas shaken was what shook me. Aloiki did not falter. He was stone. And when I finally learned that he’d almost lost his life?Iwas the one who stumbled.
I was the first to admit that I let my fear rule me when I made Aloiki swear that he was done. Done with the secret missions, the injuries, the heroism… I was so relieved when he gave me his word. I remembered crying with happiness because I never had to be afraid he would never come home again.
I never thought he’d break his word. It never even crossed my mind, to be honest. Aloiki was the most straight-forward man I knew. He was honest to a fault, not caring whose feelings he hurt in the process. He wasn’t a man who bluffed, who said one thing but did another. He might be an asshole to, well, everyone but me, but wasalwaysreliable.
I panicked. I came back from the beach to find he’d left, and when I saw his weapons were gone too?
I hadn’t told him that I’d been offered a job on the Mainland. The pharmaceutical company I’d worked for had offered me a promotion, but the problem was that it was in Santa Barbara, California. Knowing Aloiki would never leave Hawai‘i, I had every intention of turning it down. Nishi had understood, though there had been no doubt in my mind that she would have gone with us if I’d accepted the position.
I hadn’t wanted Aloiki to know. I didn’t want him thinking he was holding me back in my career when it had beenmychoice not to take the job. I hadn’t been thrilled about the prospect of leaving anyway, so it hadn’t really been that enticing of a jobopportunity. But the moment I saw he’d broken his promise? That he’d gone off on another mission behind my back?
There were no two ways about it: I ran. I’d called my boss and accepted the job offer. Then I called Nishi. Then I’d packed my car, and waited.
It had been the biggest mistake of my life.
I was miserable. From the moment that front door slammed closed behind me, I was a fucking mess. I was fired from my new job within weeks of working there. I couldn’tfunction. And all I wanted to do was return home, to tell Aloiki that I was sorry and to beg for him to take me back. But in the four plus years that I was out of his life, he’d never reached out, never called or came after me.
He’d never apologized for breaking his promise!
Nishi kept trying to get me to call him, to settle things. Either we got back together or I had to move on. Living half a life wasn’t living at all, she’d said. Problem was, I knew in my soul that if Aloiki gave even ahintthat he was sorry, that he wanted to reconcile, I would be right back in his arms, in his bed, like I’d never left. And the vicious cycle would start again. Because Aloiki was as stubborn as I was, and neither of us would change.
So I’d forced myself to move on. I started to sleep with any guy who even looked at me with a modicum of interest. It was a wonder I didn’t end up on a Missing Person’s flyer, the way I was acting. The tables had really turned whenNishiwas the one to tell me that I was being reckless.
Then she did the only thing she could to get me to take a long, hard look at myself: she threatened to call Aloiki herself if I didn’t get my shit together.
That prospect was scary enough to get me to stop. It was bad enough that my guilty pleasure was watching his porn site that we’d started together. It was the closest I’d let myself get to seeing him. I didn’t have the right degree to knowwhywatchinghim fuck an endless stream of women actuallyhelpedme cope. Nishi considered it proof that I had really gone off the deep end.
When I met Calvin, he seemed so normal. I’d admit there weresomephysical similarities between him and Aloiki, but that was where their resemblance stopped.
I wasn’t in love with Calvin. To be honest, I didn’t really like him either. I think in some stupid, twisted part of my brain, he was a replacement for Aloiki. He looked enough like him that I could pretend, and the rest I could ignore.
