Page 18 of Safe Word
“Uh uh, Kannon. You’re already trying to go to sleep on the movie before it plays.”
I chuckled. “I’m just trying to get comfortable, that’s all.”
“Yeah, so you can go to sleep.”
“I promise. I’m going to at least try to stay awake through the opening credits.”
“You suck!” she fussed.
“I’m just playing with your big-head ass. It’s not like you’re going to be quiet long enough to let me sleep anyway. Why you so far away? Bring your little ass over here.”
She tried to fake a pout, but her smile broke through. As she leaned into me, I draped my arm across her shoulders, just because it felt right. I released a deep breath as she got comfortable in her rightful place under my arm. Just like I knew she would, she talked through the first half of the movie. I didn’t mind it. I’d seen the movie over a dozen times.
The more interesting story was one of a little Carteay singing her heart out for old folks that called her voice anointed. That it was. She told me about how she felt the first time she led a solo in church.
It reminded me of all the evenings that my mom sent us to practice Taekwondo with Deacon Grace in the church basement. He offered martial arts training to children and adults who attended my mom’s church when he returned from the marines.
Kross loved him. We all did, but my brother took to him more. I think Deacon Grace was part of the reason he went to the marines in the first place. I never really asked. The thought only came to me as I recalled him telling us that no matter how powerful we became, discipline would be our saving grace.
“Don’t fight with these unless you absolutely have to,”he would tell us, holding up his
fists then tapping the side of his head. “Fight with this first. Your mind should always be your greatest weapon.”
Five minutes of silence from Carteay had me craning my neck to look down at her. I found her eyes downcast as she drew circles on her thigh with her fingertip. She must have felt my eyes on her, because although she didn’t look up to acknowledge me, she spoke up.
“Some days, I don’t know whereIend and my image begins. I used to know exactly who and what I was. For a long time now, I’ve been questioning who I’ve become. Just a few days of being here and I feel like me again.”
“You’re always you, C. Even when they try to cover the most natural and real parts of you up with makeup and fake smiles. You’re always there.”
She took a shuddered breath before answering. “Yeah, but I wonder how long it will be before they completely erase me.”
“Don’t let them.”
Her head fell back as she looked up into my face. Her eyes narrowed like she was searching for some profound statement that I had yet to make. She looked at me like I was the answer to all her problems. As much as I wanted to be, I wasn’t sure that I could be. For as long as I could, I just wanted to stay in the moment and embrace what we had been discovering over the past couple of days.
When her eyes dropped to my lips, I made the mistake of letting my eyes fall to hers. I could feel the shift in the atmosphere. It was the same shift you felt when your instincts told you it was time to fight or flee. I usually chose the former. It was different when it was time to fight. I never worried about hurting the other person or what would happen to them once the dust settled. I usually knew when it was time to fight. This time, I wasn’t so sure.
I warred with my instincts of whether to push for more from her or let this time of respite be just what it was. I was afraid that if I kissed her again, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself fromwaging a full-on war against whoever stood in the way of her elusive happiness. I wanted so much to be able to give her just that, if nothing else.
“Don’t think about it too much,” she whispered before I could make the responsible decision.
Her small hands slid up my chest, gentle and patient before landing on my throat. Her hesitation felt like a request for permission, so I answered in the best way I knew how. Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned in and kissed her slowly, careful to match her own patient pace. There was no rush. My careful restraint felt better than a hurried response.
She climbed into my lap, and my hands eagerly found the softness of her ass as she continued to kiss her way down my neck. I let her take the lead because I needed her to want this as much as I did. Every deliberate kiss felt better than the last. It felt like she knew what she wanted and deserved and wasn’t afraid to claim it.
I clutched her throat to deepen our kiss, making her moan into my open mouth. She rolled her hips against me, seeming to enjoy the feel of my hardening dick against her sweltering hot middle. The friction ripped an embarrassing sound right out of my chest that made her laugh into the crook of my neck.
“Bed.” I grunted as her hands snaked up the back of my head.
“Carry me,” she said like it was a challenge.
I eagerly accepted, standing with her wrapped around me. My hands palmed her ass as I carried her, navigating my way to my bedroom without having to look. I kept my eyes on her as she nipped at my jawline. My mind raced with decisions about how I wanted to have her first. There was only one right answer. I set her down on my bed and moved to the nightstand. She tried to bite back the coy smile on her face, but I caught it.
“Kannon.” Her voice was a panicked whisper that made my pulse race.
“Hands, Carteay,” I instructed in that stern voice that only got reactions without the back talk.
As much as I loved her hands on me, I wanted her at my mercy even more. I didn’t waste any time kissing the inside of her wrists before binding them and pushing them over her head as I helped her lie on her back. I hooked the knot between her wrists to one of the hoops on my headboard. She stared up at me looking half fragile and half fearless. That was just the way I wanted her.
