Page 132 of The Wicked
I looked at him. “No… you glow.”
“Real smooth, Z. A for effort.”
“Thank you, I’m glad,” I said with a smile, and he turned to look at me.
“Sorry about the boardroom—I was just pissed. You didn’t want to talk to me, and the time you did, you called me out on—Upper.” He sighed, looking away and ahead. “I’m sorry about everything. I was—I didn’t handle it well; this thing with Upper is… confusing. I don’t—I don’t know how to separate it from my feelings for you, and I know that’s a shitty thing to say in this situation because I don’t want either of you to get hurt, and I—”
My hand covered his. “Hey…”
He sucked in a breath, intertwining our fingers before turning to look at me.
“It’s fine… I’m not angry anymore.”
His eyes searched mine. “No, it’s not fine. I am angry. I am angry at myself and my feelings and how badly I fucked up. For hurting you. I love you, I know I do. It’s just—”
“It’s different when you’re with him,” I completed.
He looked down at our hands together. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I laughed lightly. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it. You both spend so much time together, but when we’re all together, you barely talk to each other. I should have seen it.”
“Milk caught on first. It’s not her fault she didn’t tell you. Upper and I wanted to tell you—but then I freaked because I feel something for you, and I didn’t want to throw that away because being with Upper is so consuming, like—I fight for breath whenever he’s near, and it fucking scares me, Zahra. Because it was so sudden. We’ve known each other for years, and I’ve never once thought that—I’ve never once seen him that way, and now it’s—now I’ve fucked it up.”
I didn’t know love. I thought I did until the person who made me believeIdid explained how he felt when he saw me, and I realized I didn’t feel that way; I realized I was scared, not in love.
What Devil had just described sounded an awful lot like the words of someone in love… It was crazy.
I wanted that… someday. A dream, I knew, but—it wasn’t bad to dream it.
“What are you gonna do about it?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Nothing?”
“I don’t know, Z. I still need to work out some things, and I—what about this—us.”
“I know it’s not going to happen, and I’m okay with that. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend and that I love you and will always be there for you. Our promises remain the same. You can cry if you want, I’d never tell anyone. You can tell me how bad you can’t stop staring at Upper; I’ll keep it till I’m six feet under—”
“And you’ll always have me in line?”
“Of course.” I smiled softly. “Always.”
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body to his as he pressed a kiss to my hair.
A comfortable silence settled between us as we watched the sun go down.
“Why did my brother want you to stay back?”
I froze, and he noticed because he was already pulling away from my body, leveling me with a look.
“Nothing,” I blurted.
Devil frowned. “Why… are you lying?”
“I’m not; he just wanted to know what was up with everyone.”
“Why would he be askingyouthat?”
