Page 25 of And Still Her Voice
“Let the show begin,” Dilbert announced, taking his place behind the counter. Pencil behind his ear, he crossed his short arms over his fat belly.
I looked into the lively audience. “Any requests?” I asked.
Over the shouting, I heard someone yell “Eartha Kitt” —a strange request from such a young crowd, except that Eartha had just been cast as Catwoman in theBatmanseries. The request intrigued me and immediately I remembered the Eartha Kitt songs on records my mother had at home like “Santa Baby” and “C’est Si Bon.”There were other older albums in Mom’s collection, including Grandma’s recordings with her ex-husband George singing opera, but it was Eartha Kitt’s music that truly moved me with that spicy voice of hers. The definition of sexy.
After riffing one of her songs, I realized the piano and my voice wouldn’t do her justice. I looked into the audience. “Who asked for Eartha Kitt?” In the back, a young Black girl, a little older than me, waved her slender arm, shiny golden bracelets slipping to her elbow. She smiled at me and I swear I’d never seen a more beautiful human. Well-dressed, she wore a half-sleeve, satiny A-line dress with a teardrop cutout below the neckline, sparkly earrings, and a swept-up French roll hairdo. She stilettoed up to the piano, leaned in and asked in a voice so lush, I melted. “Do you knowI want to be evil.”
A force of nature, she stood statuesque as if she’d been carved out by Michelangelo, yet slinky as a cat. She inhaled before opening her ruby-lacquered lips to purr the intro, breathy and seductive. As the Black beauty sang the first sultry bars, skinglowing radiantly under the dimmed house lights, she could have been Eartha Kitt in the flesh, the way she pulsated her root beer-colored eyes without closing them, the way she fluttered her arms like graceful butterfly wings. I wanted to stop and reach out to hug her. I wanted to be her best friend. And even though she was a girl, I wanted to kiss those lips like cherries—after all, I’d been kissed by Betsy and I liked it. I mean, maybe, what if boys won’t turn me on?
The crowd dug it as they snapped their fingers, clapped their hands, whistled and, most importantly, filled the tip jar. I could get used to this. Encore! And then after “Champagne Taste,” Dilbert slithered over and whispered into the girl’s ear. Abruptly, she walked back to her table, grabbed her matching coat, and followed him to the back.
Just finishing up the next song, I noticed her clutching her bag and coat close to her chest, one hand over her face, as she ran out the front entrance. What had he said to her? What had he done to her? I wanted to run after her. Take me with you!
After my shift, Dilbert handed me an envelope. “What’s this?” I asked, peering into an empty envelope.
“The arrangement was that you’d work for tips,” he said.
“Yes, but the tip jar was full of bills earlier.”
“You’re still on probation. Tomorrow, you’ll get more. In the meanwhile, here’s a tip for you,” he said. “It’s best you remember which side your bread is buttered on.”
“I—” Biting my tongue, I wouldn’t quit just yet, not until I came up with a plan.
***
That night, DeeDee told how she handled Dilbert. Basically, she kept clear of him, spending spend most nights sleeping atother places. Later, after I’d locked my door, I drifted off to sleep angry and confused. I dreamed about strangling Dilbert as the mysterious girl with cherry lips sang in the background, “I Want to Be Evil.” I woke up wondering if it was evil to want to kiss her?Was I some sort of lesbian?
“Darling, just because you kissed her doesn’t make you a homosexual.”
“Oh my God, Grandma! You butt in even in my dreams?”
“Only when you’re curious about something.”
“That’s why there’s a library.”
“I told you when I was your age, I got to travel. Paris was the biggest thrill,” she said in a shade of lavender.
“Grandma! You kissed a girl?” I asked, shocked.
“But I wouldn’t label myself Bessie Smith. Darling, we’re all looking for love.”
“So, is that a bad thing?”
“Absolutely not. Love is the most beautiful thing in all the realms.”
***
Seated at the piano the next morning, a slice of dry toast and a cup of coffee off to the side, the lyrics still ran through my head, the thought of that girl exciting me.I wanna be evil, I wannaspit tacks.I wondered if she’d come back. What had Dilbert told her? The hairs on my arm rose like miniature red flags when I heard him approaching. He handed me an envelope, again, with only a few bills.
I wanted to spit tacks, I was so pissed. I got up and stormed out. “That’s right, Anna, just keep walking,” Grandma said. “Let’s find a bus.”
“Grandma, leave me alone. I gotta think.”
***
The Haight and Grandma had something in common in that they didn’t sleep and kept me company throughout the night. On the streets there was plenty to keep me distracted. Lost kids bumbled around as music blared and poets recited on sidewalks. “They call that poetry?” Grandma asked. The night was full of sounds and stink.
After roaming the streets all night, I returned to the shop, planning to work through until the end of my shift and this time get my tips. I snuck up to my room to rest.
