Page 100 of And Still Her Voice
Now, I couldn’t wait to give him the news, but Tommy and his crew didn’t make it back to port that night. I called the station to learn that it had been all hands on deck and Tommy and his crew had responded. That was nothing unusual. As the wife of a Coast Guardsman, I knew the drill.
By the next day, I felt pregnant. I didn’t want to be a single mom.
***
“An oil tanker exploded in the harbor and then split in half,” Tommy said, late the next day, as he walked through the door,exhausted but still running on adrenaline. “We rescued nineteen crewmembers and fought the fire until we finally abandoned it. It sank.”
I heaved a sigh of relief. “I’m pregnant.”
He sank to his knees and kissed my stomach.
He was as excited as I was scared. “Of course, we’re keeping it.” He looked at me as if I’d grown a third eye. “Why would you even think differently?” He pulled me in for a hug.
I shrugged. I prayed our baby wouldn’t be born different, like me. I wanted it to be born “normal” like Tommy. I wasn’t sure how far along I was, but the next morning I woke up nauseated, like the cells were dividing and crashing into each other. My breasts hurt as if they’d been used as punching bags.
***
Unprepared to visit the family, my hormones weren’t ready to face Mom. Even though marrying Tommy was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and now that we were having a baby, she wouldn’t be happy because I wasn’t going to bring him up in the church. I dialed up my mother, expecting to hear how she didn’t approve, not because Tommy wasn’t a nice Mexican boy, but because she’d never forgive me for not marrying in the Catholic Church. She picked up on the first ring.
“Oh, this makes me so happy!” She couldn’t stop crying.
***
A couple months later, I got a note from River that sent my spirits soaring to the moon. I’d caught him up on my life in a letter the length ofWar and Peace. His correspondence wasn’t as long, but packed full of love.
My Dearest Honey Moon,
You have no idea howhappy I am to hear from you. I’m thrilledyou’ve found the love you’ve been looking forand have created a new love from that. A baby!Congratulations! Please do tell me more about this man!
Asfor me, it turns out I’m of Haitian descent.My grann is from Haiti and she’s teaching meFrench. I’m learning so much about my culture. Itseems I’m related to just about everyone down here.New Orleans is wild and like I said before, it’s a mecca for people like me..
I got thisnew book by Ishmael Reed called ‘Mumbo Jumbo.’ It’sabout the spread of this dancing plague which is joyfuland undeniably Black like me. You know how I loveto dance! Anyway, I had to laugh when I openedup to the page and read his definition of ‘MumboJumbo’ which is Mandingo ‘for magician who makes the troubledspirits of ancestors go away. Grandmother, go away! I gotthe chills. To think the answers to your quest mightbe in this little book. I’ve just started it,so I’ll let you know how it all worksout.
Speaking of grandmothers, how is old Grandma Phoebe behavingnowadays? She must be (I’d say in heaven, butwe know better) delighted she’s going to be agreat grann. Tell her au revoir for me. Well, Imust run (I have a date with my Mandingo warrior.Details to follow.). I love you to the Honey Moonand back.
câlins et bisous,River
I’d never learn about his Mandingo Warrior nor how his book would turn out.
CHAPTER 36
Another Transfer
1977:Dear Baby,
Thetime is getting closer. You’re about six months along,the size of a peanut. Right about now, you canhear the sound of my heartbeat and my voice. YourDaddy likes to put his lips up to my stomachand talk to you. You’ve been kicking. The timeis getting close for you to be in the worldwith us.
A story must begin somewhere and I wantyou to know yours begins in love. Your daddy andare so excited to meet you.
You might hear somethings from my family or others who might have wonderedat times about my state of mind, but I wantyou to hear them from me, or if all elsefails, at least read them from me.
As you getold enough to understand, I’ll share my story withyou, rather your Great Grandma Phoebe’s and mine. Butfor now, just know that I love you to thehoney moon and back and more than all the stardustin the galaxy.
We are so excited to meet you.I promise to be the best mama I can.
I’m feeling a little tired now, but will write somemore later, my little love . . .
***
