Page 72 of Atop the Faerie Throne
“I sat in Siabetha for weeks, wasting time. I was such an idiot to believe—And I could’ve?—”
I’m not making sense, and frustration claws beneath my skin, culminating in an embarrassing squeak-sob.
Jaro’s bafflement and distress hits me down the bond, followed by a wave of his own grief. “All of them knew the risks, Rosie. None of them would want you to feel this way.”
That doesn’t make it better. In fact, their hypothetical forgiveness just makes me cry harder. Jaro huffs out a breath, then tries again.
“When I was young, I went through a phase where I blamed Florian for the death of my Pa.”
The words are a whispered confession, and I frown. Jaro? Blame Florian? I can’t believe it. He treats my older brother like his own.
“I asked Fionn and Oren how they could bear to be Knights of Elfhame, serving under him, when his orders were the ones Pa followed to his grave. I was a stupid kid, who’d never known his father, looking for someone to blame that on.
“My brothers boxed me around the ears for spouting that shit,” Jaro says, almost ruefully. “Then dragged my ungrateful ass back to our ma. Do you know what she told me?”
I can’t even imagine what you’d say to a child who was hurting like that, so I shake my head.
“She said that her mate died with pride, doing what he believed in, to protect and serve those he loved, and it wasn’t for us to dishonour his choice.” He pauses. “She wept as she said it.”
“Did it help?”
He huffs out a laugh. “No. I was a pretty dumb kid. All it showed me was that my mother was still crying because of a call Florian made.”
“Then what changed your mind?”
“Following my pa’s footsteps and joining the Knights. Every time I fought back against a Fomorian raid, I was doing it for my sisters, for my ma. I realised that if I died there and then, I wouldn’t regret it. He didn’t either.”
Jaro swallows, and I feel his chest rise with a ragged breath. “Bram, Pa, and the others died protecting those they loved. They’d come back and do it all over again.”
I trace a nonsense design through the curls on his chest, waiting for him to finish.
“Danu might’ve made the Guard immortal,” Jaro finally says. “But I would die for you in a heartbeat.”
A fresh wave of tears blights my cheeks, and I press a kiss to whatever skin I can reach.
“I love you,” I whisper to him. “And I would die for you a hundred times over.”
His arms tighten. “I love you too, but no more deaths. Feeling what you felt when you came back… Goddess, I never want you to go through that again.”
The two of us lapse into silence for a few minutes.
“My pa was buried on the wall… You summoned him with the others.”
Oh Goddess. “Jaro,” I whisper sadly. “I didn’t know.”
He never so much as mentioned…
“No. I’m glad you did. I got to fight alongside him. You gave me that.” He takes my chin gently between his large fingers, pulling my tear-stained face up to his. “Look, winning this war was never going to come without pain. I’m not sure if anything I can say will make it better, or ease the hurt, but I’m here, too, feeling a lot of the same things, and if you need to talk about it, I’ll always listen.”
Sighing, I kiss his full lips, then snuggle myself back into his arms.
“You’ve given me a lot to think about,” I whisper, clearing the lump of sadness from my throat. “And I’m sorry. It might’ve been good to fight with your pa, but I know it probably hurt, too.”
Just like seeing Bram’s ghost is a double-edged sword for me.
“It goes both ways,” I finish, lamely. “If you want to talk, that is.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but stops, frowning as he catches sight of something behind me.
