Page 43 of Closer Than You Think
Her eyes widened in alarm, but she remained silent, waiting for me to continue.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the confession I know I must make.
Hallie's brow furrows, her eyes searching my face. “What is it?”
I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief moment, wishing there was any other way. But she has to know the truth.
“I . . . I'm the one who killed Teddy.”
Her sharp intake of breath feels like a knife twisting in my chest. I force myself to meet her shocked gaze.
“What?” she whispers. “How . . . how is that possible?”
“It was a job,” I reply hoarsely. “Before I knew you. A client contracted us to take him out. That’s how I noticed you in the first place. How I came to . . . fall . . . for you.”
Hallie shakes her head in disbelief, her eyes welling. “No. No, you're lying. You have to be lying.”
“I wish I was.” I reach for her but she recoils, a wounded animal poised to flee. I ignore the way it feels like my heart was just stabbed with my favorite knife.
“You’ve been working for . . . for them? For the Syndicate this whole time?”
“No. No. I didn’t know they were the ones who put the hit on Teddy and I had no idea why. I thought it was just an everyday job.”
She gasps and I realize my words sound callous.
“Shit, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I caused you all that pain. But if I had any idea it was deeper, that it would put you in danger, I never would have done it.”
Hallie stumbles back, putting distance between us as she struggles to process my words.
“You killed him,” she whispers, her voice breaking. “You ended his life and lied to me about it.”
I reach for her but she recoils from my touch. “Hallie, please . . . ”
“Don't.” There's fire in her eyes now beneath the sheen of tears. “How could you not tell me?”
Shame burns through me. “I wanted to protect you from the truth.”
“Protect me?” Her laugh is brittle. “I spent months mourning him and feeling guilt over the fact that I didn’t reallyknow him, that I hadn’t somehow known he was an addict. And the whole time, it was all a lie.”
She turns away, shoulders trembling. The weight of her pain lands like a physical blow.
I move slowly, gently wrapping my arms around her from behind. She tenses but doesn't pull away.
“I know there's nothing I can say to make this right,” I rasp.
Hallie stands rigid in my arms, the revelation of my involvement in Teddy's death hanging heavy between us. I desperately wish I could rewind time and make different choices, but the damage is already done.
“Let go of me,” Hallie says, her voice ice cold. She wrenches out of my embrace and whirls to face me, eyes blazing. “How could you keep this from me? I trusted you!”
I hold up my hands helplessly. “I wanted to tell you sooner. But I was afraid of losing you. I . . . I love you, Hallie.”
She scoffs bitterly. “Love? Is that what you call deception and murder?”
I flinch at the accusation in her words. “You know that’s what I do. It wasn’t personal. I’m sorry it was someone you cared for, I’m sorry you were hurt by it, but it was my job.”
Hallie shakes her head and turns away again, shoulders trembling with quiet sobs. I stand frozen, my heart fracturing at the display of anguish.
I know nothing I say can justify what I've done. But I have to try and make her understand why I couldn't tell her the truth until now.
