Page 82 of Kylo
“Did you even try to explain?”
“She wouldn’t want to hear it.”
“Why do you think it is your place to decide for her what she does or doesn’t want to hear?”
“Claudia, I know you want to think that I can fix it because I broke it, but that’s not the case here. She made it very clear she doesn’t want to see me again. I’m going to respect that. I’ve done enough damage.”
With that, I moved around her, started the engine, and peeled off before she could say anything else.
I wanted to be relieved that Claudia didn’t think Rue’s depression and anxiety were spiraling. But I was too horrified at the idea of a cold version taking over the sweet, warm woman I’d grown to know, to like, to maybe, just possibly, love.
“Fuck,” I growled at myself as I slammed the door of my house, moving into the mostly empty space that still somehow felt full of the ghosts of her.
“Fuck fuck fuck,” I snarled, seeing one of my plants wilted near the window.
I grabbed it, rushing upstairs to stick it in the tub, fill the tub up, and let it drink up as much as it wanted.
It couldn’t die.
It was completely fucking irrational, but I had to keep the plants alive. If they were the last bit of Rue I was ever going to get, I was going to take care of them, dammit.
Once all the plants were in the tub, soaking up as much water as they needed, I took myself into the guest room, stripped out of my dirty clothes, and stood under the spray until the water heater ran out of steam.
Claudia’s words drifted through my head enough that some part of me started to believe them. But I knew it was just wishful thinking, that I wanted an excuse to be able to show up at Vital Greens again to see her. Under the guise of giving her an apology her grandmother said she would want.
I knew better, though.
Because Claudia hadn’t been in that kitchen. She hadn’t seen the way the deception had etched shock, hurt, and anger on Rue’s pretty face, hadn’t watched her slip guards up and around herself in real time, making her harder, harsher. I hated it. Even if I saw it gave her the strength to stand up to Huck instead of shrinking into herself, instead of the panic overtaking her.
As I pulled the plants out of their bath and placed them back in their homes, I couldn’t help but wonder about the picture Claudia painted, though.
Of a cold Rue.
It didn’t make sense.
It didn’t seem possible.
She was so warm, so soft, so sweet.
It was like a punch to the gut to know that because of me, she wasn’t those things anymore. That she wouldn’t trust people the same way again. That she would second-guess herself even more.
That said, showing up would do nothing but ease some of my guilt while fucking with her mind and emotions once again.
No.
I couldn’t do that to her.
I had to leave her alone.
But make sure that the club was taking care of her, keeping an eye on her, making sure she was safe.
I hadn’t asked what the plan was.
I had to trust that Huck would do what was best for us, yes, but also for Rue. Because Velle was right; Huck might come off as cool sonofabitch at times, but he did care. He always made sure the innocents didn’t get caught up in the crossfire.
Sure, Rue was really entrenched in this shit.
But I was equally sure that Huck would find a way to either cut Marco off at the knees by removing his supply, or, well, he could find a more permanent type of solution.
