Page 131 of Due Dilligence (Takeover)
“I don’t follow.”
“Ever been unhappy in your job?”
The bartender got a haunted look. He nodded slowly.
“Me too. Right now, in fact. My job fucking sucks. It colors everything, doesn’t it?” Even if Z were here, Todd’s job would still be hell, Singularity would still be spiraling out of control and he’d be exactly where he was, on the verge of quitting or being fired. They’d both be depressed and moody.
The bartender nodded again.
“It seeps into your bones, that unhappiness. Changes how you look and think and interact with others. Your relationships.Everything.”
“Yeah, it does. Bleak days. No way out.” He gave a little shudder.
The more he spoke, the worse his heart twisted. “If you gave up the dream job you loved to become a cog in a corporate wheel?”
“Sounds like the definition of hell.”
It did. “I was trying to make him livemylife. He knew he couldn’t, and that he’d hate me if he tried. We’d hate each other.”
“I see where you’re going.” The bartender took Todd’s empty glass. “Or maybe where youshouldbe going.”
So did Todd. The answer was blindingly clear. Fazil had even suggested it, though subtly.
Pittsburgh.
If he wanted to be with Fazil, he needed to quit his shitty job and move.
Fifteen years ago, if he’d had the money, he’d have followed Fazil across the country. Now that he could, what was holding him back?
Only his pride and the need for Fazil to repent for what he’d done as a teen. Except he’d told Fazil that the past was the past and Fazil didn’t have to apologize for that anymore.
So just who was the asshole in this equation?
Shit. “I need the check.”
The bartender slid it over. “Thought you might.”
He left a sizable tip. On the short walk back to his apartment, he couldn’t help recall the first night he’d taken Fazil home, how they’d kissed and how he’d fucked Z. The harshness, the need, the pain in both of them. The love.
Fazil had almost left then because of how much Todd had hurt. The separation now was killing them both. He’d seen that in Fazil the last time they’d talked.
He’d never thought those stories where a lover abandoned their own happiness for someone else rang true. How could love be one person cracking themselves into a pile of miserable pieces for someone else? He couldn’t ask that of Fazil.
Except he had. Hehad.
If their roles had been reversed, Todd would’ve resented the hell out of Fazil for assuming he’d up and leave Seattle. But there’d never been any talk ofToddmoving.
He staggered up the stairs to his apartment, not due to the beer but from the hollow in his chest. He’d fucked up and lost Fazil.
Tomorrow he’d figure out if he could fix that.
Tonight? He’d crawl into his bed and let out all the tears he’d been holding back since Fazil had left. He stripped his clothes off, leaving them where they fell, and flopped onto his very empty bed. Despite the summer heat, under the sheets he was bitter cold.
I’m sorry, Z. I’m trying to catch up. Please wait for me.
