Page 75 of Just Business
Dressed. Left.
No explanation. Not when he’d thrown apology after apology and begged to understand what he’d done wrong. No answer to the texts he’d sent to make sure Justin had made it safely home.
Now work loomed and he couldn’t think, hadn’t slept, and dreaded climbing the stairs to the office. He did anyway, leg throbbing the entire way, keycarded himself in, and headed to his office. He didn’t look into the other room, but he’d caught enough out of his peripheral vision to see that Justin was at his desk.
Well, at least he was alive.
Eli swallowed and tried to move his heart back into the proper place. The weight of Justin’s gaze on his back bore down, pressing between his shoulders. He stripped off his gloves and nearly dropped them onto the desk, next to the ruler.
No.
If Justin was going to safeword, walk away, and then nottalkto him, there would be no games, no flirting, no anything. No more. He’d been a fool from day one.
Eli stuffed the gloves into the pocket of his overcoat and yanked open the drawer beneath the ruler. The contents—pens, the stapler, paperclips, scissors—rattled in protest of the violent movement. He pushed the ruler in and slammed the drawer shut.
The sound echoed in his office. Probably outside of it, too. Then silence descended, but for the catch of his own breath. Blinking back the sting in his eyes, he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the back of his door. Scarf, too.
He’d been in worse shape than this, through worse confusion and pain, and survived. Thrived. He took a breath, steeled himself, and finally looked across the hall.
Justin stared back, more goth than he’d been in months. His stunning blue eyes peeked out from behind a thick mask of eyeliner and a hacked black fringe of hair. He’d dyed his hair red on the ends, cut it, and spiked it into a chaotic mess. Black clothes. No jewelry. Pale lips drawn into a thin line. Unreadable.
What did I do?The words almost slipped from Eli’s lips. They tumbled in his head, the way they’d fallen from his mouth all the way down the stairs and onto the porch. The panic, the worry.Justin, wait! What happened? I’m sorry! What did I do?
Love. Yes, that was there. The reason he couldn’t think or breathe or... Eli turned and paced back to his desk. Obviously Justin felt differently.
Somewhere, Eli had fucked up so horribly that Justin didn’t even trust him enough to let him know why. A voice, one that sounded too much like his father, whispered in the back of his brain.You’re a monster. Lawless. Deviant.
That hurt. More than it had in some time. It wasn’t true, but the little voice still lurked back there, despite all the conversations with Dr. Brohmer. Even though he knew better. Always that voice.
Rote movements forced him to sit down, wake the laptop up, and wait for the monitors to catch up.
They say what I do is abuse.
They? Who, Eli?
He’d never had an answer to that.
What do you think?
The screens flicked to life with a log-in prompt, but he studied his own hands rather than touch the keyboard.They want what I give. Get as much pleasure from the pain as I do. More maybe. I... No. I don’t think so. Not from me.
The dominance and sadism could become abuse. He’d seen instances of that, Doms who went too far, the trauma they left behind. He was not—would not be—that man. Ever.
Only now, it seemed he was.
No. Everything had been consensual.You stopped and let him go, as you’re supposed to, as you said you would.He’d done exactly the right thing.
Justin had walked away, which he had every right to do. That he didn’t want to tell Eli why burned and turned his guts inside out. Yet that was Justin’s right, too.
He didn’t own Justin. Didn’twantto—just wanted—
The screens turned black again.
Eli cursed and nudged the mouse. This time, when the log-in box appeared, he typed his password.
The pain in his throat matched the ever-present sting in his eyes and the ache in his heart. He wanted to love Justin—did love him. But he also wanted Justin to return that love, and that was a dream. If Justin didn’t trust Eli enough to tell him what had gone wrong... that didn’t just kill the D/s relationship, it tore apart every other connection they had.
Which might be an issue in the office. Like it or not, they still needed to work together, at least until Eli figured out other options. He clicked open his e-mail and scrolled through the list. Nothing from Justin, but one mail from Sam.
