Page 120 of Syncopation
That would explain why not being able to help Ray had been so fuckingdevastating. Coupled with everything else? Yeah, he had needed to run away, or at least run until he found the space to processit all.
Why that space had to be a shitty motel room, he didn’t know.Note to self: next time, run off to a five-star place. Order a rare steak and a bottle of fine wine. Skip the antacids.
Next time, he’d take Ray with him.
Zavier shivered. He hoped the note had been enough to keep Ray calm. He owed Ray an explanation, but at least, for now, he had one other than “need to work shitout.”
One thing he did know—Ray was capable. He was strong. He’d befine. And Mish and Dom would watch out for him. Zavier would go back. He was going back. First thing tomorrow. He’d take a look at his GPS and figure out where the hell he was, and chart a course home to Ray.
Zavier rose, grabbed the toothbrush and toothpaste, and headed into the bathroom. The best thing he could do nowwould be to sleep until Ray called him. He had no doubt his phone would ring eventually.
* * *
The ringing of his cell woke Zavier up. Phone said it was just past eleven-thirty and the screen blurred when he tried to blink sleep away. His vision sharpened when he realized the caller was Ray.Thank goodness. He would’ve headed back in the morning regardless, but he wanted to hear Ray’svoice.
He answered. “Hey.”
“Zav? You okay?” Ray’s voice was so clear. Full of wonder and worry, too.
Reasonable question. Zavier toyed with the answer, the edge of sleep making his emotions—and everything else—sluggish. “I am now, yeah.” All the tension was gone, whether from being asleep or having screwed his head back on, he wasn’t sure. “What about you?”
A laugh. “I’m fine.I miss you, but I’m fine.”
“I miss you, too.” Because he did, but the phrase—even in his own voice—made him groan. “I think that’s the single sappiest thing I’ve ever uttered in mylife. Please don’t take it the wrong way.”
A long pause from the other end, then a whisper of words. “You’re allowed to miss your friends, you know.”
The little bit of hurt woven into Ray’s voice tuggedat Zavier’s conscience. “I do know. And I do mean it. I just wonder how many people actually do, you know? Or if it’s just one of those things people say.” He rubbed his face. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I just woke up. I’m...more jumbled than normal.”
“You’reneverjumbled. It’s interesting to hear you like this.” There was that little twist of amusement on the other end. “Keep going. I wanna hearmore.”
He could almost see Ray’s smirk. “If you were here, I’d turn you over my knee for that tone.”
The response became far more grave and deep. “If you were here, I’d gladly take the beating and love every second of it. But you’renothere, Zav.” An exhale. “There’s so much I want to tell you.”
Heat in his blood, both at spanking Ray and listening to him. Seeing him. “I’m cominghome, Ray. Tomorrow.”
There was a crinkle on the other end. “Never doubted. I figured you needed space and you said you weren’t leaving. You’ve never lied to me.”
It was so damn good to be connected again. Hehadmissed Ray, more than he wanted to ever say. Hispartner. Zavier’s body sang with warmth. “Tell me about your day.”
“You mean the part after I freaked out because you weren’there?”
“I’m betting you’re exaggerating about freaking out. You’re incapable of that before your first cup of coffee.”
A cough and a laugh. “Okay, yeah, might be stretching the freak-out part. I was worried, but fine, once Mish said you’d left a note and—never mind.”
That was interesting. “She saidwhat, Ray?”
“She said that you love me.”
Oh. The coolness of the shitty hotelroom settled down over Zavier.
Ray babbled through the phone, his pitch higher, and breathless. “But that’s not right, is it? You don’t love me, not like hearts and flowers love and—”
“Ray, stop.” Ray was getting perilously close to explaining aromanticism, and Zavierreallydidn’t need that right now. “I do care deeply for you.”
“That’s what I told her. She said there’s all kindsof love.”
