Page 83 of Counterpoint
Huh.
Strange what you realized sometimes when your mind was going in circles really fast. “Um. Can I have tea, maybe? Herbal or decaf or something.” He looked up and met Adrian’s gaze. “If that’s okay?”
“Babe, I’ll get you anything you need.”
That didn’t make sense. “Iliedto you, Adrian.”
A pinched expression crossed Adrian’s face. “You didn’t, actually. But let’s shelve that conversation for a little while?”
Because Dom was sitting tightly wrapped in a blanket after nearly passing out, after wanting to throw up his heart and lungs and stomach onto the rug. That made sense.
He exhaled. “Fuck,” he whispered, and pulled the fleece up over his head. “Shit.”
“I’ll make you something. Hang on.” Adrian padded away, his footsteps light against the rug, then wood.
Dom didn’t know which was worse, being in the middle of panicking, when he couldn’t breathe and thought he might explode, or the trembling afterward when the shame and self-flagellation kicked in. Should probably find a counselor or someone, ’cause his coping mechanisms were like fifteen years out of date and he felt like a goddamned fool breaking apart like that.
Fucking tears finally came, and he was shaking and weeping by the time Adrian returned with a mug that smelled of mint and honey. He sat right down on the floor next to Dom.
“Hey, babe. Here you go.”
The mug warmed his hand when he claimed it from Adrian, and a sip warmed his mouth and throat. Another loosened the knot in his chest a little. “I’m a mess.”
“No. You’re human.”
Silence settled between them as Dom drank and blinked and let the tears dry up. Finally, he held the mug and asked the question he’d been dreading. “Who did you tell? About me being Domino?”
Adrian fiddled with the toe of his sock and raised both eyebrows. “No one. I didn’t tell anyone.”
A little chunk of panic fell away, to be replaced by a small pebble of shame. “Oh.”
Adrian was still pulling at the material at his toes, bunching and twisting it. “It’s not my secret to tell and—” His voiced dropped, and he nearly pulled the sock off his foot. “I shouldn’t have gotten upset like that.”
Dom rotated the mug in his hand. “Once I’m more coherent, I’ll go.”
Adrian stilled. “You don’t have to.”
Except he’d lied. He’d hidden who he was. “I broke your trust.” There wasn’t any coming back from that. He turned the mug in his hand again and sipped. “I—probably should have said no that first night.” Kept apart. Enjoyed his solitude. Gone for a simple fuck with someone, rather than this complicated, perfect, wonderful, beautiful thing he’d completely fucked up.
A grunt from Adrian and an audible swallow, as if he were trying to keep something in. “Babe, don’t. Can we—I don’t want this to end. Especially not like this.”
Dom hazarded raising his head. Looking at Adrian’s face was nearly as painful as the thought of vanishing from his life. Because all the poise and calm Dom was so used to were gone. Yeah, the strength was still there, but so was the shattered soul of someone who loved very hard and so sosomuch.
Dom didn’t deserve a moment of it, a voice in his head whispered. Another answered that maybe, maybe he did.
“Can I tell you why? Why Domino?”
A slow nod. “I’d be honored if you did.”
Those words pierced and stung, but in a good way. Like the first swallow of ice water in a parched throat.
Maybe, maybe what Adrian had said was true. Maybe it would be all right.
* * *
Adrian rubbed the fabric of his socks between his fingers and quelled his own panic. Dominic was more or less sounding like himself again. God, watching him fall, watching him struggle to breathe, to find the safety he needed...
Adrian’s fault. Ofcoursethere’d been a reason behind Domino. The rational part of him should have guessed that, but the emotional, fragile side only felt betrayed. He’d been utterly unfair. Mean, even. Not the actions of a lover or a friend.
