Page 50 of Sycopation
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
Ray expectedthe next day to be utterly awkward, prepared for it and dreaded it, but when he cracked his hotel door and looked out into the hall, all he saw were the room-cleaning carts. No signs of his bandmates or the crew. No one waiting outside his door with a scowling face. No cops or reporters there to ask him questions about drugs.
He closed the door and tried to still his racing heart.
It was past one in the afternoon. At least he’d managed to show and dress before dinner—that was a plus. Thankfully, Carl wasn’t around, or Ray was sure he’d have heard an earful, either by phone or after Carl pounded on his door, even if thiswasa day to recuperate from the past few shows. A few quick texts told him Dom was museum-hopping with Zavier, and that made Ray pause. Hitting every museum Dom could get his hands on wasn’t new, but Dom hanging with Zavier was. A twinge of worry wiggled through Ray, but he pushed it down. He shouldn’t be jealous of Dom, but that flicker of envy was there. Worse, he was as jealous of Zavier.
Dom had been his best friend from their very first day of high school. They’d been in the same homeroom, Dom in the first desk, Ray in the last. B and V. Not the beginning or the end of thealphabet, but close enough. He missed just hanging out with his friend like Zavier got to do today.
And Zavier? Something told Ray that he wouldn’t say much about what had happened. The only thing that might happen was that Zavier would discover Dom was far more in control of himself than Ray when it came to being on tour and keeping his dick in his pants.
Dom was the far better catch. Brighter, more even-keeled. He was the type of guy Zavier should date—not the mess Ray was.
When did I get like this?He stared at his hands. He hadn’t always been so fucking afraid of every single action. Hell, he’d done everything he could to get Twisted Wishes going. Bared his soul in lyrics and notes. Threw money and hours and years after a dream. Worked odd hours and someinterestingjobs to support the band.
Here he was now, afraid even to leave his hotel room. The weight of Carl’s words pinned him to the ground.Not good enough. In debt. Label not amused.Fuck.
AndZavier. Oh god, Ray wanted so much more. Another night with Zavier’s hands on him and that voice brushing his back, and those lips on his skin. A moment in time that wasn’t fraught with Ray’s stupidity and poor choices. Maybe he’d find out if he actually liked being tied up as much as his cock thought he might.
Ray shook himself. It wasn’t like Dom and Zavier would be fucking in the middle of an art museum or even contemplating sex.
He texted Mish next. She was closer—down by the pool, enjoying a drink, a snack, and the weather. And yes, of course he could join her. Which was good, because he needed to eat something, and ordering room service and eating alone or sitting at the bar with a soda seemed way the hell too depressing. Despite the need for time away, hemissedhis friends.
Mish was tucked into a nice, shady spot by a cabana with waiter service. Ray slipped into the other chair, and she pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head. “Hi, honey. You doing okay?”
Something about her question made him uneasy. She must have known. “Yeah. Um.” He stopped and poked at the drink menu. “How—what do you know?”
She shrugged. “You had a groupie who had a pile of drugs on him, but nothing happened.”
Oh. So they knew. His throat tightened. “Yeah.” So many of the alcoholic drinks on the card looked good. “Um, Zavier chased him out.” He swallowed. “Which was good. I don’t know if he would have done anything to me, but...”
“Yeah, Zavier said as much.” Sadness there.
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I know.” She took off her sunglasses entirely and put them on the table. “You just wanted a break.”
“Except a story about me being addicted to drugs would have destroyed the band.” It came out as a whisper.
She nodded again.
“Zavier says... Zavier thinks I have no self-control.”
She huffed. “I’m not sure that’s true. I’d have decked Carl about a million times if he treated me like he treats you.”
Fair. “I’ve come close.” He paused and flipped the menu over. Nonalcoholic drinks. Yeah, probably the better idea. “Instead I take it out on others. On you guys, and that’s not fair.”
“It’s not fair for you to take it out onyourself, either.”
“No one else left.”
She sighed and patted his arm. “But that hurtsus, too.”
Yeah, it did. Especially when he pulled stupid maneuvers like last night. “I just don’t know anymore.”
Before Mish could answer, a waitress came over with a glass of water. “Care for anything else?” She smiled brightly at him.
