I can hear the faint sound of water running. I imagine her stripping out of that torn dress, the fabric sliding off her shoulders, pooling at her feet. I imagine the water hitting her skin.
Everything in me wants to storm after her. Not just to argue. To touch her. To grab her by the waist, pull her in, and ask if she really thinks this is just a job for me. To show her it isn't.
But if I do, I won't stop.
I'll tell her everything. That I can't sleep without checking the doors twice now. That when she walked on stage I forgot every exit in the building because all I could think was please don't let anything happen to her while I'm standing here.
That when she blacked out, my whole world narrowed to her pulse.
I turn around.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I drag a hand down my face, forcing myself to take a breath. To think. To remember why I'm here.
But all I can think about is the way she felt in my arms when I pulled her against me at the event. The way her body fit against mine, warm and alive and trusting, even when she shouldn't have been. The way she leaned into me without hesitation, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Nothing has ever made me want to burn the world down just to keep them safe.
I should go. Give her space. But the thought of her alone makes my chest tighten. What if they're watching? I've checked everything. Locks, cameras, perimeter, but it's not enough. It'll never be enough.
Because the threat isn't just outside.
It's in here, too. In the way I can't stop thinking about her. I clench my fists, forcing myself to focus.
This is temporary. This assignment. This proximity. Once the threat is neutralized, once Callum and Declan handle Shadowharbor, I'll go back to Bucharest. Back to my life. Back to the missions that don't make me question everything I've built.
But even as I tell myself that, I know it's a lie.
And for the first time in years, I don't know what to do.
18
KEIRA
Three days post-blast and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Some bruises formed on my ribs, but they've turned that soft yellow-green color, the kind that doesn't hurt so much as remind you what pain felt like. The headache's gone, and the stiffness in my muscles is loosening. I can breathe without wincing. I can move without feeling like my body's held together with duct tape and prayer.
So I'm going to work out, move a little, because I'm sick of lying still.
I pull on black leggings and a sports bra, tying my hair back into a messy ponytail. The mirror shows some light dark circles under my eyes, but I look alive, so that's something.
The house has been quiet. Octavian's been here, of course, but he's kept his distance since our argument. He checks the locks. He makes his rounds. He sits in the chair outside my bedroom door at night sometimes, I can hear him, but he doesn't talk. Doesn't push. Doesn't tell me what to do.
I haven't pushed him because I don't know what to say or think. As much as I hate to admit it, I may have overreacted a bit with him. Leaning into my anger to protect myself, to keep people at arm's length.
I do that a lot. It's easier to be reactive than it is to sit in emotions that can wreck me if they go south. And falling for someone who's only here temporarily to protect me and then will be leaving is exactly what going south means.
I told Calli once that it's easier to ignore feelings than to acknowledge them. She thinks I'm wrong, that it's the other way around when the feelings are deep.
Anyway, I need to move, maybe sweat out all this internal turmoil.
Most importantly, I need to do something other than lie in bed replaying the explosion, the screams, the way Octavian's arms locked around me before everything went black.
I head downstairs and make my way to the basement gym I never use. It's a room I had built because I thought I would be this fitness person, but I'm not.
Declan told me not to do it and watched with great enthusiasm when I went with him to some health store and bought four hundred dollars' worth of protein powders, only to come home and almost throw up when I tried them.
So now I have this space with treadmills, stationary bikes, a bench press, free weights, a few other machines I have no idea how to use, and six yoga mats.