Page 34 of Sweet Girl
It hits me then. The reason for this dinner. The celebration. Johns’ presence. Holy smokes. My stomach plummets as it fills with an emotion I can’t quite place. Hostility? Anger? Uneasiness?
“John has proposed and we are going to be married right after Christmas. I wanted to do this when you’re all home and we’re together as a family.”
There’s a collective gasp around the room and then it feels like the oxygen is sucked out from around us. It feels like an out-of-body experience as I look around the table at my siblings. Kady, who sits to my left, looks astounded, her eyes wide as saucers, mouth agape. I’m surprised, too. I thought John and my mom had only been casually dating. I had no idea it was this serious. Married?
Cade has a smile on his face and he’s toasting John and my mother in congratulations. The bastard doesn’t seem fazed by this announcement at all...which means he already knew. What the hell? I realize he’s closer to home than Kady and me, but that shouldn’t preclude us from being in the loop.
All of a sudden, I’m struck with the hard realization. My mom wouldn’t just jump into another relationship that easily or quickly. It dawns on me, then, that maybe this has been going on for longer than she initially let on.
For some reason, anger spikes in my blood. I feel duped.
“Are you serious? Have you been lying to us, mother? How long have you been seeing each other?” At that moment, another thought pops into my head. What if...holy shit. What if they were having an affair before my parents got divorced?
“Did you cheat on dad while you were married?” I practically scream this as all heads turn to me in utter shock.
I don’t even realize that I’m now standing, gripping my wine glass so tight that it feels like it could shatter between my fingers. The heat rises in my neck and to my cheeks, which is customary when I get embarrassed or angry. I’m horrible at hiding my feelings.
Kady reaches a hand for mine, reassuring me with her presence. It’s always been like that between us. We’re connected in ways other people don’t understand. She calms me without saying a word.
But I’m too angry to be mollified. I notice John stiffens in his chair, the glass that had been halfway to his lips now placed down on the table. My gaze shifts to my mother, who slowly stands from her seat and walks toward me. Hesitantly. With a level of uncertainty that I’ve never witnessed before.
My mother is the epitome of cool and collected. Never ruffled. Always poised. Magnificently proper.
My body shirks out of Kady’s grip and I pull back when my mom tries to offer me a hug.
“Don’t touch me.” I snarl.
The biting tone of my response has my mother appearing stunned, unable to comprehend this is me, her mellow child. She takes a shaky step back, allowing me space I desperately need to keep from lashing out further.
“Honey,” my mom says quietly, her eyes filled with unshed tears. “It’s okay to be upset. I understand. This is something you weren’t expecting. But please don’t think that I would ever do that to our family. To your father. John and I were only friends until a year ago. We’ve been together for the last year.”
My brain tries to formulate a picture of the last twelve months. I must have been oblivious when I was living at home, before we graduated high school. How was I not aware they were dating? Why did she keep this from us? She apparently didn’t trust us to know the truth. I hate her for keeping it from me.
I turn my head to glare accusingly at Cade. “You knew, didn’t you?”
He shrugs, quickly glancing at the table to avoid my icy stare. “She’s happy, Ky.” He says, returning his eyes to mine. “Doesn’t she deserve that?”
No! I want to scream. She doesn’t if it means she lied to me. To us. That she hid a part of her life from her own daughters. Why does she get to spring this huge, life-altering decision on us like it’s nothing? It’s huge!
I’ve got to get out of here before I do or say something I’ll regret. I know my family is wondering what the hell has come over me because this isn’t how I normally react. Kady is normally the fueled-by-emotion member of our family. Then Cade. But me? I’m the less reactive of the three of us. I don’t get upset or angry, or ever talk back.
Maybe I’m finally cracking under the pressure of my life’s instability right now. The stress of college, of being away in unfamiliar territory. Having to grow up and be comfortable on my own for once. Of having my first taste of a crush that I don’t know how to handle.
Whatever it is, I’ve lost all sense of who I am.
And all I want to do is find myself in the arms of Van.
