Page 8 of Sweet Girl
I went on my one and only other date in high school, but that was a set-up, double-date with my friend Brittany and her boyfriend. Nick went to another school and there was no connection between us at all. Toward the end of the night, as Brittany and Alec got it on in the backseat, Nick groped and fondled me in the front seat in the most dispassionate way possible, until I finally just told him to stop. It was embarrassing. For both of us.
My hope was that college would fix all my problems. That by some miracle, the boys would have matured and I would turn into a less-bumbling, gawky girl who practically swallows her own tongue any time a guy talks to her.
Swallowed. No pun intended.
So with my very limited experience with an actual boy, my hands, mouth or eyes have never even actually seen a real live penis up close and personal. So I guess it isn’t so surprising that Carver would catch on to my inexperience. He probably has some virginity radar, where he can easily detect the good girls from the bad. I assume he always goes for the naughty ones. What is a surprise to me, though, is that I’m about to ask him to elaborate on the whole swallowing thing. Lord help me.
“Carver,” I say, my face heating from the blush coloring my neck and cheeks. “When you’re with a girl...um...does she...well, how does it get from point A to point B?”
His eyes go round and wide as they flick to me, apparently trying to assess whether my question is for reals. I can’t look him straight in the eye, so I glance away, staring instead at the table. Finding whatever he was looking for, Carver nods his head and scoots his chair in closer, as I inch my way back. While I don’t like him likethat, his closeness is a bit overwhelming. He is pretty damn hot.
“Didn’t mommy and daddy ever tell you about the birds and the bees, Ky-Ky?”
I roll my eyes. “Shut up, dummy. That’s not what I mean. I just...like, who makes the first move? Do you like girls who take control and just go for it? Or do guys like to be the instigator?”
“It depends,” he says with surprising sincerity. “Some guys like the coy girls who flirt and flaunt, but act all innocent until it’s time to get down to business. And some like the dirty girls who just take what they want. I happen to like them all. I’m an equal opportunity lover.”
I snicker. My face is heated from the topic of discussion, but if anyone can tell it to me straight, it’s Carver. And he might make fun of me, but I know he has my best interests at heart. He’s a good friend to Cade, which by proxy, means he’s a good friend to me.
Leaning my elbows on the table, I reach for the wadded up ball her threw at me earlier and begin to play with it. Nervous tick.
“What if...well, if the girl is inexperienced. Do you...or guys...will they just automatically take the lead?”
His answer is thoughtful and not what I expect to hear from him.
“Believe me, Ky-Ky, even guys worry about getting rejected. So if I’m with a chick who I think may be hesitant to go any further, or seems genuinely nervous, then I ask her for permission. A good guy should always that. If he doesn’t, and he just races to the finish line without taking into account your needs, then he’s an asshole who deserves to get blue balls. In my book, the girl is always in control, even if I’m leading the way. And I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ve even been rejected before.”
Wow. For being a certified man-whore, Carver is actually human just like the rest of us. And it appears that he even has a morality clause and can be a gentleman. Now that’s a surprise.
My head nods in understanding, even if it still doesn’t answer my question. Maybe it’s a case by case scenario, but I’m dumbfounded by the mechanics of sex. It’s obvious that everything starts with a kiss...and it requires some level of attraction to move forward. Hands and mouths are involved. And then there’s naked body parts to account for. But the entire process is just foreign to me. I wish there was some kind of manual, or instruction sheet, that I could read to help me learn how things go down. My analytical-brain needs that type of direction.
Kady and I have talked about these things in the past, but hearing it from her can be akin to a Mexican telenovela. She’s light years ahead of me in the boy and sex department, and is over-dramatic in the descriptive nature of things. She lost her V-card when she was sixteen in the back of a Tahoe and hasn’t looked back since. The problem is that I don’t own the same confidence level that she possesses. Kady is a born flirt. Rebel. Risk-taker. Renegade.
And I am not.
With Kady away at school in Boulder, it’s not easy to pull her away from the various activities she has going on to have a serious heart-to-heart. And there’s no way in hell that I’d ever discuss this with Cade. Good grief, he’d flip shit if he knew I was even considering something like this – with Van or anyone else for that matter. Carver seems an obvious choice to open up to. He’s experienced, non-judgmental, and won’t treat me any differently. I also know without a doubt that he will keep this in confidence.
“Okay, thanks C. Good talk.” I pat his hand and start to get up from the table when he latches on to my wrist to stop me.
“Ky-Ky, this thing with Van...you know he has a girlfriend, right?”
Of course I know, you idiot! I want to scream at him, but it wouldn’t do any good. In my dreams, Van’s stupid girlfriend doesn’t exist. It’s just me and Van. But reality is a cruel bitch, where Van is head-over-heels for his high school sweetheart. And I’m just the lonely, pathetic, virginal school girl who pines after someone she can’t have.
“Yes, I’m fully aware of his relationship. Thank you for enlightening me, though. As I’ve already said, Van and I are just plutonic friends. I’m going to a movie, he’s going to a movie, that’ it. For the last time, this isn’t a date...in fact, if it would make you feel better, you’re more than welcome to come with us tonight, since it’s obvious that you think I need a chaperone.”
Carver scoffs like that’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard.
“Sorry – no can do. I’ve got plans with Teresa and Sadie tonight.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. His transition from Dr. Drew to porn star Carver is astoundingly fast. “I just don’t want you to get hurt if you have expectations of being boyfriend/girlfriend with him. Okay, Ky-Ky?”
Carver leans across the table and kisses me on top of my bent head. Cade and Carver have been friends for a long time, so I’ve come to expect his annoying habits and crazy theatrics. But this Carver is sweet and loveable. Too bad he hides that from everyone else most of the time.
Our heads turn in unison when we hear a throat being cleared behind us. I glance over my shoulder to find the oh-so-dreamy Van standing in the doorway, hands buried in his front pockets, eyes clearly taking note of what’s going between us. I see a brief flash of something across his face, before his lips turn up into a warm smile. I shift back into my seat and straighten my back, feeling the warmth move across my spine.
“Hey guys.”
Carver leans back, his eyes bouncing between the both of us until they land on Van again.
“Yo, what’s up, bruh? Heard you’re taking our lil’ sis here out to a movie. Better keep your dick in your pants, though, or Cade’ll kick your ass. And I’ll have to join him.”
