Page 1 of Sweet Little Lies
Prologue
I have a monster living inside of me.
Eating me alive from the inside out. Turning me into something I never wanted to be. Someone I abhorred and loathed.
The monster became my darkened secret.
One that will eventually be my ruin. The thing that will turn my world upside down.
The evil villain that will eventually destroy me.
There’s no pain quite as excruciating as watching the woman who gave birth to you, who raised and cared for you, slowly kill herself. Whether she did it intentionally or not is irrelevant. There are only two people to blame for her condition.
I couldn’t save her.
My father is somewhere out there on a bender. Just another one in a cycle of many. Hundreds that I’ve known in my lifetime. Twenty-two years of booze, drugs and disappearing acts.
I need to drink. And get high.
And then I need to fuck someone. Hopefully in that order.
These self-destructive behaviors are the only things that will get me out of my head long enough to avoid thinking about all I’ve done. All the pain I’ve caused. The death I’ve caused.
It’s yet just another reason to hate myself and who I’ve become. If I wasn’t such a fucking coward, I’d be lying in the ground right next to her right now, too. Next to my brother’s grave, as well.
There are days I wish I wouldn’t wake up. That I could fuck myself up so much that I’d fall asleep and drift off into the endless night. Because that would mean I wouldn’t have to live any longer with this constant malignant hatred that lives deep inside my soul. The self-loathing, loss and grief that I’ve caused.
But instead, the daylight always returns, making that hole in my heart seem bigger and deeper.
