Page 58 of Sweet Little Lies
Chapter 22
Mica
Something was wrong with him.
Terribly wrong, but I can’t quite pinpoint it.
I can’t put my finger on the source of my discomfort because he said and did everything that a good boyfriend would do.
Yet it’s there, lurking in the shadows and underneath the façade that he wears like a cloak. Hiding his vulnerabilities with smiles and laughter.
Maybe he’s cheating on me? It’s a possibility, I suppose, but I don’t think he’s that kind of guy. In fact, Lance is normally direct, so if he had lost interest in me, he’d just come out and tell me he wanted to break up.
My thoughts are a jumbled mess and eating away at my emotions as I sit down at my parents’ kitchen table. I’ve enjoyed the last hour spending time with my mom, making her chili verde recipe together. It’s a comforting task to focus my energies on chopping and dicing, helping to quiet the worries that swirl in my head like a Maytag wash machine.
We worked in relative silence, my mother interjecting the quiet between us every so often with casual conversation about school, work and my family. Now that we’ve finished eating, my mother finally brings up the topic I’ve tried desperately to avoid and dread.
“Have you spoken to Alberto recently,mija?”
I repress a groan and shake my head instead. “No, I’ve been busy.”
This is true, although he’s calls me at least twice a week, eager to schedule time to see me. I don’t like deceiving my family or stringing Alberto along, but I don’t know what else to do at this point. Telling them all that I’m dating Lance is close to telling them I’ve robbed a bank. It would be a serious crime in their eyes.
After the way my mother and Therese spoke to Lance, and about him, after Alvaro’s hospital visit, they would have a hard time ever accepting that I’m in love with him. He was touted as a hero in the papers and news and by all the bystanders around. But my family doesn’t care about that. They see him as the reason it happened in the first place.
My mother can hold a grudge for a lifetime if she wants. Therese just about as long.
People who don’t come from a family like mine don’t understand the predicament I’m stuck in. My loyalties are pledged tomi familiaand on trying to be the best daughter, granddaughter, sister, auntie and niece that I can possibly be. Which means there have been times in my life when I’ve had to move aside my own wants and needs for the good of my family.
I fought and won the battle over attending college, only because of the scholastic awards I’d earned to attend school. I moved out of my parents’ house and from under their thumb, much to their chagrin, as well, siting that I needed my independence and own space to study. Check that one off the list, too.
I’ve fought for my right to live my life in my own terms, yet I’m scared to tell them about Lance and our relationship. Instead, I’ve been living a lie this past year making them believe I still plan on marrying Alberto someday. And the lie continues to surface and make waves every time I’m home. Like now.
My mother gives that scoffing sound – aharrumphof disdain – when she makes her next statement.
“That gringo boy is no good for you. I can see it.”
My head snaps to her as she lifts her chin in my direction. She’s daring me to defy her. To argue the point. And I will to some degree. Because she knows nothing about Lance or who he is or how he treats me.
“Lanceisgood, mamá, and he treats me very well. He is a very kind boy and…maybe just a little misunderstood. He’s had it hard. He doesn’t have the same kind of family that I do. Even thoughmyfamily meddles in my love life.”
My mother’s weathered and dry hand lands on top of mine, and it’s soft and warm. The warmth only a mother can provide.
“You are strong and smart,mija. Independent. But we want to see you with a stable man. One who will provide for you in the future. This Lance…he is not marriage material.”
My voice is petulant. “One like Alberto, you mean? Because he’s so stable?”
“Exactly. He is part of thefamilia. One of us. Not an outsider. Someone that would not hurt you.”
I wish I could make her understand. Prove to her how Lance will be there for me and he could fit in, too, if they gave him the chance.
“Mamá, I don’t feel the same way about Alberto that I do for Lance. Alberto is…I don’t know, like a brother to me. When he’s kissed me,” I say, feeling the blush heat up my face. “I didn’t feel any spark.”
“Strong relationships are not always about spark and flames. Because those things die out. Real love grows over time. Strengthens like vines because of the environment in which it grows.”
I’m not even sure where my mom is coming up with this stuff, because I know for a fact that she and my dad met when she was sixteen and he eighteen and it was love at first sight. They fell head over heels and eloped without my grandmother’s blessing. And back in the day, that was a really big deal.
“Maybe. It’s just that I feel something so strong, right here,” I admit, clutching my fist at my heart to demonstrate. “It won’t go away. I denied it for a very long time. I tried to stay away from him, but in the end, it was inevitable. It would mean so much for me if you could accept him. Accept that I don’t want to be with Alberto, not now nor anytime in the future. I think Lance is where my future lies.”
