Page 67 of Sweet Little Lies
What the hell am I doing here? Where the hell am I?
I have a vague recollection that my mom and Landon were here with me at my side, but of course they’re not here now. They’re dead and gone.
Bits and pieces, like a puzzle strewn across a table, start fitting together as images pop back into my brain.
Coach Parker’s conversation.
A call from my dad. He was going to stop paying my tuition if I continued seeing Mica.
Avoiding Mica. Hating myself for doing it.
Guilt. Grief. Sadness.
Dodi’s house.
Party.
Booze.
Some girl handing me pills.
Lots of pills.
Texts from Mica. Looking for me. Pleading with me to call her. Knowing I was no good for her and she’d be better off without me.
More pills.
And then blank. Nothing.
Tears sting the back of my eyelids and I shut my eyes and turn my head in the opposite direction so Cade can’t see what a mess I am. What a pussy. Cry baby. Fucked up loser I am.
But then again, if I’m in a hospital bed, he likely already knows this about me.
Soon I hear the shuffling footsteps of a nurse and she’s at my bedside.
“I’m going to take this tube out of your throat, Lance. I just need you to breathe through your nose, relax and blow out of your mouth when I tell you to, okay?”
I stare at her with blank eyes and give her a slight nod of my head.
The process is painless but uncomfortable, causing me to cough and hack. Once out, I realize how dry my mouth and throat and I start sputtering in desperate need of water.
Suddenly out of the blue, a cup appears in front of my face and I reach for it with shaky hands. When I look at my hand at the tubes and wires shoved through my veins, I wonder how long I’ve been out.
And then more fear slithers through my thoughts as I wonder what this means for my spot on the team. They’d surely know by now I was drunk and stoned and found out about the drugs in my system. Do the coaches know?
Shit, I’m fucked.
As if he can see all the questions written across my face, Cade removes the cup from my hands and turns to Ainsley.
“Can you give us a few minutes alone?
Her response is soft and assuring. “Of course. I’ll be out in the hallway.”
Before she leaves, she places a comforting hand on my leg. “We love you, Lance. You scared the shit out of us but we’re glad you made it through. So is Mica.”
The words make me feel both relieved and like a piece of shit for putting them through this ordeal. I don’t know what happened, but I’m sure it wasn’t good and they probably did worry their asses off.
And fuck, Mica. God, I’m scared to find out what she thinks of me now. Surely she now realizes what a coward I am and finally found out how fucked up I really am.
