Page 69 of Sweet Little Lies
Chapter 26
Mica
I can’t stop crying. I’ve been bawling my eyes out for over two hours and the tears haven’t dried up. They just keep falling.
When I’d finished with my classes for the day and come to the hospital to see if Lance was awake, I’d been greeted by Ainsley, Cade and Carver, their faces downcast and etched with sorrow and regret.
At first, I thought he’d died and was grief-stricken for that one moment. But I knew that wasn’t the case, because I’d received a text earlier from Ainsley telling me he’d finally come to and they’d removed the intubator.
As I approached the group, Ainsley was the first to step toward me, the two guys shifting uncomfortably with their hands in their pockets.
Ainsley held out her arms and guided me over to the block of seats lining the wall.
“I’m just going to come right out and tell you this. I’m sorry to be the messenger and I want you to know I adamantly disagree with his decision. But Lance…he, um…he doesn’t think seeing you is a good idea right now for either of you.”
Something in my brain doesn’t receive the message. I try to get up and walk toward his door, but Carver’s tall, imposing form steps in front of me and he shakes his head. It’s a protective gesture, but I don’t know who he’s trying to protect. Me or his best friend.
I look over my shoulder at Ainsley again and she pats the chair beside her.
“No,” I whisper. “This doesn’t make sense. I need to be with him! Why would he do this to me?”
Ainsley stands and wraps me in a hug. My tears fall down my face and soak her hair.
“Shh, it’s okay, Mica. Just give him some time. He’ll come around, I’m sure of it. But right now, he needs to get help. He’s going to check into a twenty-eight-day rehab program. While it’s voluntary, it’s also a requirement for him to remain on the team.”
Ainsley then escorts me out of the hospital and we drive to her house. The drive over is a blur and now I sit on her couch, wrapped in a blanket, wet, used tissues balled up on the floor around me. I sniff and rub my eyes, red and stinging from all the tears I’ve shed.
“I don’t understand why I can’t see him. He must know how much I love him and want to be there for him.”
The tough part about all of this is that Ainsley and I have had to study addictions and the affects they have on users in our nursing program. I know the signs of addiction and yet none of that clicked with me the closer I got to Lance. It’s exactly as they say it is. Something can be right under your nose and you can’t see it. You’re blinded by love. Misdirected because an addict will manipulate the one’s the love them into thinking they are okay.
I mean, I realized he liked to drink and party. I’d witnessed that over the last year, as did all his friends. He was such a happy drunk.
The flip side is that I also saw him get sullen and blue over the last month or so. It was this roller coaster of emotion. He’d be happy and light-hearted one day and the next day moody and almost anxious.
And I was blind to it all.
I’m so angry with myself for not seeing the signs that were right there in front of my face. Why didn’t I notice the changes in his behavior?
The man I love is an addict. Was depressed. Was hurting and I didn’t do anything.
I’m a shit girlfriend.
It’s for that reason, I’m sure, he doesn’t want to see me. I let him down. I lied to myself and he lied to me about what was going on between us. It was smoke and mirrors. A house of cards.
And now he’s checked into a rehab program and I’m alone with the knowledge that he doesn’t want to see me and probably hates me.
“Mica, you know he loves you.”
I shake my head. “He never said it. I meant nothing to him.”
Ainsley scoots next to me on the couch and places a hand on my leg. “Don’t you dare do that to yourself. We all know he was head over heels for you. And maybe didn’t say it outright, but we saw it. Hedoeslove you. And if I had to make a guess, he’s trying to protect you from whatever he’s going through right now. I’m sure of it.”
My eyes latch onto hers, searching for the truth. “Do you know what happened? Did he explain what happened to Cade?”
She sighs. “He may have told Cade, but he didn’t share it with me. And even if I did know, I’m in the middle and it’s Lance’s story to tell. Not mine. I’m sorry, honey. I know this is so hard and unfair to you. But maybe you just need to give him that time and space for him to get clean and deal with whatever he’s burdened with.”
I know she’s right. He does need to get well. To get clean and sober. But I’m scared.
