Page 5 of Reckless Abandon
She lays her hand across my fist, gently unfolding my fingers and slipping them through hers. Only London could bring me to my knees like this. To shed the 100-pound guilt guerilla that weighs me down every day. For the last ten years.
Our fingers interlock, palms touch, heartbeats in sync once again. As if they’d never lost their connection or timing or beats, even when mine felt it died a thousand deaths over the years.
“Cameron, your son…Lord have mercy, he is the spitting image of you when you were his age.”
I chuckle because that’s exactly what my mom says about Taylor. She says he has my gumption, stubbornness, and spirit. And energy. Holy crap that kid is a cyclone on legs, constantly in motion.
London flips my hand over in hers, a long, tapered fingernail tracing the lines of my palm. All the lives that I have lived in my twenty-eight years. All the mistakes I’ve made and the decisions – good, bad and indifferent – that have brought me to this place. To this moment of reconciliation.
This is the first time London has ever met or seen Taylor. And it hasn’t been for her lack of trying, but simply my unwillingness to allow her back into my life in that way. I just couldn’t. Not after how I walked out on her. Changed the direction of my life –our lives– with the biggest mistake I could have ever made.
I never should have let her go. Or left Sage.
I thought I was doing the right thing - what was right for all of us.
I thought it was best. I thought we could move on.
I was wrong.
I thought I could stop loving her. Or forget about him.
I didn’t.
I could never stop.
Like an avalanche barreling down the mountainside at full speed with nothing in its way to halt its progress, so was my love for London and Sage.
Strong. Unrelenting. Powerful.
But with catastrophic endings.
London and Sage broke my heart first, in very different ways, but I shattered theirs. I abandoned them both when I should’ve stayed and protected them. Decimated any chance to later salvage even a fragment of our friendship.
Yet the universe is giving me a second chance.
Because here she is. Our hands entwined in forgiveness. In comfort. In unconditional love that I don’t deserve.
“He deserves a better father than me.”
London’s mouth gapes open and she smacks the top of my thigh.
“Cameron Taylor Lucas. Don’t you ever say that! In just five minutes of meeting him, I can see just how much he adores you. He wants to be just like you. He’s so proud that you’re his daddy.”
I scoff. She has no idea what she’s talking about. He’s just a kid and doesn’t understand how flawed I am. Looking up to me is a waste of his time and energy. He’ll find out soon enough that I’m not as brave as he thinks I am.
“Whatever. He’s a good kid, though. Not sure who he gets that from.”
It’s a barbed remark aimed at me and his mother, Lisa. She’s a fucking piece of work and no more fit to be a mother than I am a father.
London lifts an eyebrow skyward, glancing at the house behind us over her shoulder. “Is Lisa here?”
“As if,” I bark, unable to contain my condemnation toward my soon-to-be-ex-wife. “She saw this as her chance to have a free week at the beach.”
A soft frown lines her mouth and she pats my leg again. It’s a compassionate gesture – yet my mind goes elsewhere whenever London touches me. Her touch does something to me that no one else has ever been able to replicate.
Certainly not Lisa.
When I met Lisa, she was everything that London was not – which was what I thought I wanted at the time. Lisa was wild and promiscuous. Always looking for a party. She helped me escape the pain of missing London and Sage, but led me into more misery than I could’ve ever conceived.Becauseshe conceived, and then I was trapped into a life with her that I hadn’t planned. Or ever really wanted.
