Page 78 of Off the Stick
“Fuck no.I never would have done that.We broke up, yeah, but at the time, we had no idea she was pregnant.I was in the dark all this time that we had a kid together.I never knew I was Lenni’s dad until just recently.”
There’s a noise behind us, and we all swing around to see Lennon on the doorstep, a cookie in one hand, a new doll in the other, and a confused expression slashed across her face.
She blinks and then stares directly at me.
And then time slows down, and the world drops out from under my feet.
“You’re not my daddy!I don’t have a daddy!”
38
Halle
The party came to a quick conclusion and had cleared out quickly after Lenni had come running back into the kitchen with giant crocodile tears streaming down her sticky face, sobbing uncontrollably.Her words were such a jumbled mess that it took me two times to decipher what she was saying, but I knew it the moment I saw the look on Dane’s face.
Lenni had already been emotionally and physically tired from the excitement of the party, sugary treats, and playtime she’d had with her new friends and my brother, which made it the perfect storm for this to happen.It was as explosive as if the mass of balloons in my living room had all popped at once.
I brought her into her room while Dane said goodbye to everyone and now I’m trying to get to the bottom of the story.
I kneel beside Lenni and wrap her sweaty body in my arms.“Baby, what’s wrong?Why are you crying?”
She hiccups, and tears pour from her eyes.“Ax isn’t my daddy.He said he’s my daddy, but I don’t have a daddy.”
I rear back, confused why she would say such a thing.When I look at her sad expression, my heart breaks.I shouldn’t have let this go on so long, and that regret lies squarely on me, and the burden of that shame on my shoulders alone.
A tall shadow materializes at the doorway, blocking out the overhead hallway light.I glance up to see a panic-stricken expression marring Dane’s face.
What the hell happened?I mouth, my hands shaking violently with a simmering, protective anger I’ve never felt before.
He shakes his head and mouths back,I’m so sorry.
I stand then, scooping Lenni up in my arms, settling her on my lap on her bed, then, with a chin nod and glare, direct Dane to come in.
He stands rigid and back stiff, his jaw is tightly clenched.I glance at him for a second but then look away for fear my own tears will start to fall.
I know I brought this heartache on myself.My indecision around telling her about Dane since we’ve been in Vancouver, and then, apparently a slip that Lenni overheard have finally created the backlash I’d hoped to avoid altogether.
Lenni’s tears have stopped flowing now, and she rests her head against my arm.My daughter is so tired from today’s event, and once again, the timing of this conversation couldn’t be any worse.
But I can’t avoid the truth any longer.
“Lenni, baby,” I begin, placing my hand over her tiny palm.It’s still sticky from the cookie frosting.“Dane and I need to talk to you about what you heard him say outside.Okay?”
She nods, lifting her head to peer through wet lashes at Dane.I give him a chin nod, and he takes a step toward us, bending down to kneel in front of the bed.His gray eyes search mine for direction.I’m not sure I have any for him, so I only offer a soft smile.
Dane takes hold of Lenni’s other hand.“Hey Lulu Lennon.I’m so sorry you had to hear the truth that way.”
Lenni cocks her head to look at Dane and then lifts her face up to mine.“Mama?Is Ax really my daddy?”
I can only nod and smile, tears flooding my eyes.The words get trapped in my throat like a boulder refusing to budge.
“Yeah, honey.Dane is your daddy.”
She thinks about this for a second, wiggling with the uncontainable energy of a child.
“Is that why he kisses you?”
My eyes snap to Dane’s, wide with shock.He quirks an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth rise into that boyish smirk of his.Ugh.
