Page 159 of Brutal Little Secrets
I take my shirt off and pull it on over her head. “Easier to focus with you covered, goody.”
She bites her lip and looks down at her hands. “Is it realistic for us to go to college together?”
Her gaze goes to all of us before settling on Damon. “We’re both on career paths that may not even end up in the same country. A lot of filming is done in Canada or around the U.S. You need to be flexible to go with whatever team picks you, but it’s possible to be traded, right?”
Damon nods.
She looks at Hawk. “Your dream is Columbia University. Are you really willing to give that up for me? What happens in a year when we break up because we’re growing apart?”
No one says anything. Her blue eyes lift to mine. There’s determination in hers.
“You may not have a career picked out, but you do have a plan. It’s not a bad plan either. So who has to give up or compromise on their dream to keep a relationship we’ve had for a couple weeks?”
“What if it’s not a compromise?”
EvanAnn
Damon’s words make my heart leap. This whole conversation is more than I expected from them. But I also have to be real here. Even if they don’t want to. There’s no guarantee we’ll make it through the school year. Let alone go to college together.
I blow out a breath and turn to search Damon’s eyes. “Do you really believe that? That the four of us can find somewhere that has D1 hockey for you, feeds into a stellar law school for Hawk, has a film directing program for me, and provides a good school/life balance for Cam?”
If my heart wasn’t breaking, I’d laugh. It feels impossible. One of us will have to compromise. Even if I got into Yale, I might not be able to afford to live there even with a scholarship.
“We can try.” Hawk tips my face his way. “It may not be one perfect school, but schools close enough together where we can see each other more than once a year have to exist.”
“I don’t think this will work long-distance.” I’m throwing that in because it won’t. “It’s not like I can make myself available for you to fuck as frequently as we’ve been. I have ambitions anddreams. I don’t want to compromise on school or my career for the guys I fell in love with in high school.”
Standing, I turn toward the screen so I can think straight. “I’m fucking this up. I love you.” My gaze catches on the lights on the screen. I wish what was happening with us was a movie and I knew it would all work out. But that’s not real life. “Do I want to figure out a way to make this work? Of course. I don’t want to lose you now or at the end of the school year when we go our separate ways. But I’m not going to compromise my future to be with you. I’ve worked too hard to get to where I am.”
I turn and look at them. My face is dry, even as tears choke me. “And you shouldn’t have to compromise your future to be with me.”
“So we do nothing?” Damon rises and towers over me. “We don’t even try?”
My breath catches, and I put my hand over his heart. The hurt in his voice is obvious, but this is different than his mother. “Damon, I want to be with you as long as we can. I just don’t know how we find a future where we’re all happy with our choice. Where someone doesn’t have regrets. Do you honestly think we’ll still be together next year at this time?”
He sinks his hand into my hair. “I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. This need I have to be near you. I will stalk you wherever you go. Watch you sleep. Make sure no one touches what’s mine.”
“Damon…” I don’t know how to explain to him this won’t work. That I’m trying to save us the heartache. But part of me wants to be theirs forever. To try to make this work. Even though in the end, it might go up in flames.
It’s ridiculous. When Chase talked about the future, I blew it off because he didn’t matter. He was always going to be a footnote in my story. But these three? My heart aches at thethought of being separated from them for even a week, let alone months.
“Tell me you won’t ache for me when you’re alone on set.” Damon brushes his lips against my forehead. “That you won’t dream of Hawk or need Cam. That we’re better off following our dreams if they take us away from each other.”
I lift my gaze to his. I’ve never been good at telling Damon no. And my heart doesn’t want to.
“It won’t work,” I whisper, but he smiles because he can hear how weak my protest is.
“Then it doesn’t work, little devil.” Damon brushes his lips against mine, too brief of a touch. “That doesn’t mean we plan for the end.”
Hawk brushes my thigh with the backs of his fingers. I meet his steady gaze.
“We plan for both, baby girl. We figure out how what we want fits together. Take the time to research how we can do this. How we can stay together.”
I turn to look at Cam. He drags his hand over his face.
“I can apply to Yale if that’s what we need, but their undergrad theater program isn’t a conservatory program.”
I arch an eyebrow at him.
