Page 122 of Brutal Little Secrets
“Hi, Mom.”
She turns, seeming almost startled to find me in the doorway. It’s weird, but I leave the door open and head back to my desk.
“I have practice in an hour, but I’m planning on being home for dinner.” I glance back, and she’s stepped in and is looking around my room. I should really be pulling the covers down on the bed every night to make it look like I slept there.
But maybe the cleaners just think I’m a really tidy kid.
Her gaze jumps to the bathroom door, which is cracked slightly. She’s acting weird. I stop and really look at her. She’sdressed how she dresses now, her clothes a fancier version of what she’s always worn. But she seems distracted.
I glance at the date in my planner. Did I forget one of the important dates? I’ve been a little caught up in my own drama lately.
Mom blows out a breath and turns her gaze on me. “Are you okay here, Evan?”
Okay, that furrows my brow. “Of course. The food is delicious. The bed’s comfy. I have more clothes than I can ever imagine wearing. All my needs are being met.”
My cheeks burn at that last one. But I wasn’t talking about that. Not with my mom.
She slides her pendant on her necklace and looks at my bed. “Chase seems like a nice boy.”
I sit in my office chair and watch her closely. She’s looking for something from me, but what? Her motivation in this scene is a complete mystery. Normally, she checks on me, but never with this nervous energy.
“Is something wrong, Mom?” I’m in jeans and a sweatshirt. Something I’ve always worn on the weekend.
“No.” Mom straightens. “I just?—”
She cuts herself off and blows out her breath. Some of the tension leaves her body, and she sits on the end of my bed.
“I should check on you more.” Her eyes dart up to mine before lowering to her hands. “But you’re fine, right? School’s good? The play is good? Your boyfriend is good?”
“I’m good, Mom. What’s bringing this on?” There’s this buzzing feeling inside me, like something’s terribly wrong.
“I did this all wrong.” She looks up at me. “I didn’t mean to spring the move on you or leave you by yourself so much.”
“It’s okay.” I go over and sit next to her on the bed. “I adjusted. It was a surprise, but I’m made of tough stuff.”
She reaches over and takes my hand between hers. “Adam thought I should see a therapist. So I’ve been going, and we’ve been talking about things.” Mom’s eyes are watery when she lifts them to mine. “It was easier just to press on than to dwell, but I didn’t take the time to worry about you.”
The tears spill down her cheeks. I reach over to my nightstand and take a tissue out of the box to hand to her.
“You were only ten, but you were doing so well. Top grades. Applying to programs I never dreamed of. You never complained and didn’t seem to need me. And I was so lost.” She dabs at her tears. “Your dad and I were with each other since high school. I didn’t know how to be alone. And the worst part is, I wasn’t alone. I had you, but I couldn’t be there for you.”
“Mom.” I squeeze her hand. “I’m fine. This move is good. I’m focused on school and the play.”
I can’t tell her that I have Damon, Hawk, and Cam. That even though things have been messed up, I’ve never felt more alive. Never felt more loved. Never felt more like I’m part of something amazing.
I pick up the box of tissues and hand it to my mom.
“It’s like Adam shook me back to life.” Mom blots at her tears and gives me a watery smile. “It was fast, and I know that, but I really love Adam. I’ve been sleepwalking through life, and he woke me up. He’s worried about you and about Damon. You both went through trauma like we did, but it’s different for you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t more present. I’m going to do better.”
My chest buzzes with that feeling again. Mom hasn’t ever been truly present. What will that mean? Will she suddenly realize that maybe putting her eighteen-year-old daughter in a room connected to her boyfriend’s eighteen-year-old son wasn’t maybe the best idea?
Or is this temporary? Because she gets this way after a break-up. Maybe this is new because she isn’t breaking up with Adamand just wants to feel closer to me. It will last a couple weeks, and then things will return to normal.
I just know I’m not ready to give up Damon.
Chapter 37
EvanAnn
