Page 61 of Brutal Little Secrets
He takes a seat next to me and smiles. “How’s your day been, babe?”
“I really don’t like that pet name.”
His hand freezes halfway to his mouth, holding his pizza. He clears his throat and looks at me. “Noted. How’s your day been?”
I glance toward the courtyard and then look down at my meal. This is where I belong, but part of me wants to be where they are. Discussing Shakespeare with Hawk. Flirting with Cam. Damon, just being Damon.
“My day’s been okay.” I pick at my lunch.
“Did EvanAnn tell you about the party this weekend?” Chase asks Mia.
“No, what party?” She doesn’t ask him, but me.
I swallow and turn to her. “Chase’s parents are out of town and he’s having a small get-together at his house. Just some football players and their girls if they have them. You and me, if you want to go.”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” She winks at me before glancing at Chase. “Why small?”
“My parents would go nuts if I had a party like Fletcher’s.” Chase glances toward the outside. “I had one a couple years ago that got out of hand. They haven’t forgotten. I’m surprised they decided to leave me for the weekend. But I couldn’t miss rehearsal, and they want to leave early.”
“Where’s the party on Friday then?” Mia looks at Chase.
I look at him warily. He hasn’t mentioned Damon at all. Maybe he would have been cool about it. But something tells me he wouldn’t have.
I definitely wouldn’t have told Chase about Jackson though. But Damon asked, and I don’t know why, but he feels like a safe space.
Which is stupid. So is the way he makes me feel when he holds me at night or texts me outrageous things during the day or makes sure I eat or leaves me notes in the car. My heart thumps hard in my chest.
I put my hand over it, ignoring the conversation about where the party has moved to since Fletcher’s is off-limits for a while. Yes, I’m having sex with Damon, Cam, and Hawk, but that doesn’t mean anything.
It’s just physical. They don’t want more from me, and I’m not expecting more from them. Except amazing orgasms.
It’s hard to separate my feelings entirely though. But it can’t be more than physical.
“Everything okay?” Chase asks me quietly.
When I glance over, Mia is gone.
“She went to the bathroom.” He leans his elbows on the table and studies me. “You checked out for a little there. Is everything good at home? I know your mom isn’t around much, and this must have been a huge shift for you.”
“Why are you being nice to me?” I whisper-shout and narrow my eyes at him. “You showed me who you were when you left me in those woods. I can’t decide if this is just an act, or that’s who you really are. Do you even know?”
He takes a breath and scrubs his hand over his face. “I shouldn’t have even been driving that night. I had a few too many to drink and was high on the win. Everything was great between us. I know I’m the one who fucked up, but I didn’t think you knew about the other girls. I fucked up and let the stress get to me and did things I wouldn’t normally have done.”
“Everyone knew you were a fuckboy. Even me. And just because you thought I didn’t know doesn’t make it right. You could have talked to me. Or broken up with me if I wasn’t what you needed.” I don’t feel like I need to be considerate of his feelings. He showed me who he really was, drunk or not.
“Yeah, well, I tried to be better for you.” He flashes me a chagrined smile. “I do think we could have a good future. And I want to have sex with you. Those other girls didn’t mean anything.”
I want to laugh because is that how those girls felt? Is it possible to hold back part of yourself when you’re that vulnerable with another person? Yes, sex is fun, but there are moments that mess with my head. Desperate moments.
“I’m just glad you’re willing to give me a second chance to prove to you I can be the guy you need.” Chase reaches out and puts his hand next to mine. “You make me a better guy. I messed up, but I want to be better. I’ll talk more.”
I meet his blue eyes. I should put my hand on his to show I’m invested in this relationship, but I don’t want to touch him.
Not now and not in the future. I don’t want to be here with him. I want to be with them, and that spells trouble. Because what happens when they drag me into their world and abandon me there?
I can’t run with that crowd. They’d eat me alive.
“I need to go to the bathroom.” I push to stand and grab my tray.
