Page 2 of The Holidays with Dr. Mitchell
“Ash?”
“Yes, my love. It’s me…themom.”
“When did you jump on the call?” I asked.
“I addedyouto my call with Ash after I called her to tell her to convince Elena to change the plans,” Collin chuckled, knowing the words I’d confidently stated were overheard by the woman who would make sure I was humbled by them.
“Goddamn you, Col,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“This is how it’s going to go down, Jacob,” my wife continued, using the name my older brother loved to call me by when hewas chomping into my ass for not doing things in his proper, CEO way. “Wemomswill be hosting a haunted house in John and Mickie’s garage, handing out candy and entertaining the trick-or-treaters who come to the house. While we’re enjoying ourselves, kicking back with a bottle or three of wine, youdadswill walk the kids through the neighborhood, going house-to-house and enjoying all the fun memories that come with trick-or-treating.”
Nice guilt trip.
“Ash, why are we making a big deal out of this holiday?” I asked, kind of shocked that we were even having this conversation. “Your spirit guides must be very disappointed.”
I smiled, knowing I could use my wife’s hippie mentality to tease her.
I heard Collin chuckling on the other end of the line and decided right then that I would probably kick his ass tomorrow for this shit.
“We aren’t doing seances, lover. I’m sure they’ll be just fine,” she teased.
“If you say so,” I answered her. “Okay, fine. I won’t fight you on this, but only if you make Collin?—”
“Collin is going, Jake,” Ash interrupted. “Elena has sworn he will face a year-long dry spell if he doesn’t.”
“A year-long dry spell for missing out on Halloween?” I answered, baffled about why the gals were coming in so hot on this, as if it was a plan for Christmas morning festivities.
“Yes. Youdadsalways find excuses to work or be out of town every year on these holidays because you think they aren’t as important as Christmas oryour birthdays.This year, all that changes. You’ll all be doing the heavy lifting with smiles on your faces.”
“You haveyour boyto thank for this, you know?” Collin said. “It was little John who insisted we dads help out the moms every once in a while.”
“That boy is too smart for his own good sometimes,” I rolled my eyes. “All right, I’m down for doing this, but we all have to go one hundred percent,” I said, excited to punish Collin for this shit show that made the traffic I was stuck in seem like paradise. “We all dress up in costumes.”
“Done,” Collin said too happily and quickly.
“But you can’t be your profession, bitch,” I reacted to his smug excitement. “No doctors.”
“I’m not going to a fucking costume store, no. I have no idea what I’d even do?”
“Come up with something. I mean, you acted like a dick by privately having my wife listen to this call and busting my balls as you did, so why don’t you get a fuck-ton of rubber and dress up like the dildo we all know you are.”
“You think it’s going down like this, eh?” Collin said, and now my wife was laughing on the line.
“You twochildrenfigure out what you’re dressing up as. I need to get Kaley out of her bath and ready for bed.”
“Love you, baby. I’ll be home in about thirty if I ever get out of this traffic,” I said.
“Love you too,” she hung up after she said goodbye.
“And Collin? Shit just got real.”
“Oh, you want to be a dick to me like this is allmyidea?” he said.
“No, honey,” I teased. “You’re about to find out why you don’t fuck with me when it comes down to trick-or-treating all night with a bunch of crazy little candy addicts.”
“We’ll see about that.”
We ended the call, and the challenge to make everyone’s life interesting on Halloween had begun to excite me. Collin thoughthe was being cute, but he must’ve forgotten that I thrive in conditions where I get to retaliate against those I love most. This situation would easily afford me that opportunity.
