Page 53 of The Holidays with Dr. Mitchell
“Okay, okay. That’s enough from Papa Bear,” I said. “Nat, cut the old man some slack. He’s tired. Fortunately, this will be his last big event, and he can sleep in tomorrow.”
“Sleep in tomorrow? Tomorrow is Christmas morning, dipshit,” Spencer snapped.
“Oh, shit. That’s right,” I eyed Collin with a grin. “Well, that sucks. Now, we should review today’s itinerary before Nat divorces Spencer and takes everything in the marriage. Allow me to go over the plans.”
“Hopefully, those plans consist of all you miserable shits leaving this house. I’m done with this thundercloud who thinks work is more important than spoiling his family during the holidays,” Nat said.
“Do you see what you’ve caused?” Spencer asked. The poor guy honestly looked half awake and completely exhausted.
Which was the point.
“I haven’t caused jack shit,” I defended myself. “You’re the one cracking under Christmas pressure, and if you keep this shit up, dialingdownthe Christmas spirit in this home, then Collin and I are sure to send everyone on a festive journey to the tune of the twelve days of Christmas. We haven’t done anything from that song yet.”
“It would be ideal if we could put together a littleSilent Nightevent, if you ask me,” Jim added.
“Well, no one is asking you, Jimmy,” Collin said. “Don’t try to co-sign on mine and Jake’s ideas. Even though we found a crack in Spence, we’re staying the course. Today, the reindeer arrive.”
“Dear God,” Ash finally said with a chuckle. I was surprised that she and Avery hadn’t entered this conversation until now. “I can’t even imagine what you guys managed with theRudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeersong.”
“No, my love,” I said. “This was Collin’s idea, and it’s not about Rudolf. It’s based on a little tune calledGrandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”
“Oh?” Carmen said, coming in from the kitchen. “I’m the only grandma here, so I prefer we skip that event, eh? Abuelita ain’t getting run over bynada!”
Everyone laughed except Spencer, who was more concerned about having pissed off his wife than he was entertaining another long day of Christmas chores.
“Don’t worry, Carm. No abuelas will be harmed in the reenactment of this reindeer song,” I assured her. “However, we will be using reindeer to pull our sleighs to Gersbach’s farm in order to sail out over their acreage and find the perfect Christmas tree for the kids to hang the hand-crafted ornaments we made together the other day.”
“What does that have to do with the song?” Avery questioned.
“Aside from the presence of reindeer, absolutely nothing, actually,” Collin said. “Hey Jake, I know you wanted the reindeer and all, but we got to take this in a different song direction, or it won’t work.”
“Oh?” Jim perked up. “Our two Christmas elves have found themselves backed into a corner. Looks like we can’t go in a sleigh to get the family Christmas tree.”
I eyed my brother, “You could only dream of a day when Collin and I back ourselves into a corner, unable to continue what we started.”
“Oh, Christmas Tree, duh?” Collin said. “How lovely are thy branches…”
He finished in song.
I grinned. “See, we’re back on track. So, that’s taken care of. Mark, do you want to come along with us?” I asked Ash’s dad. “John’s excited about this one, and I know your grandson would love to have you with us.”
“Absolutely,” Mark said.
“As for you ladies,” I said, smiling at the women, “we’ve taken into account that this has been a long week of decorating, putting lights on the house, winning neighborhood Christmas competitions?—”
“We’re the only house on the mountain,” Avery laughed. “You guysdiddo a fantastic job, though. It’s beautiful.”
“Indeed,” I continued. “Anyway, we reconnected the main room’s television.”
“Skip to the point,” Jim said. “I don’t want another lecture about how technology was ruining our holidays.”
“Well, the TVs are coming back into play, and you’ll be glad to know I called the staff in again to help prepare meals while we’re out today finding the perfect family Christmas tree.”
“We did the Clark Griswold shit with the lights and house decorations last night, dude,” Spencer said. “Let’s just get a goddamn tree from a lot. We don’t want any squirrels ruining the Asters’ furniture.”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Collin waved his index finger at Spencer. “This has nothing to do with that movie. This has everything to do with following Swiss traditions and honoring how they celebrate as we show gratitude and appreciation for spending the perfect family Christmas in their country.”
“By chopping downand killingone of their trees?” Spencer taunted.
