Page 12 of A Season of Second Chances
"I'm just going to rest for a minute," she mumbles.
"Sure, baby," Winter says softly, brushing her hair back from her face.
Within minutes, she's asleep, her breathing deep and even.
"I should get her to bed. It's been a long day with a lot of excitement for her," Winter says quietly. "There's a bedroom in my office for nights like this, when the weather's bad or we're working late."
"Of course," I say, starting to gather empty mugs.
"Don't leave," he says quickly, then clears his throat. "I mean, if you want to stay. I've got wine in my office. We could sit by the fire for a bit?"
My heart does flutters in my chest. This is a complication I probably shouldn't welcome, but here we are. "I'd like that."
I watch as he gently lifts Alana, cradling her against his chest. She doesn't even stir, just burrows into him, completely trusting. He disappears down a hallway, and I'm left standing in front of the Christmas tree we just decorated together, wondering what the hell I'm doing.
To keep myself busy, I return the mugs to the kitchen, again thanking Carol for the hot drinks.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she whispers as she gives me a wink.
"I won't," I whisper back. Although I have no idea what she might do, or might not do.
Ten minutes later, Winter's back, carrying two glasses of red wine.
"She's out cold," he says, handing me a glass before settling onto the couch. "She had a big day."
I take a drink, swirling the liquid around in the glass. "She's wonderful, Winter. You've done an amazing job with her."
"I'm trying." He takes a sip of wine, staring into the fire. "Some days I'm not sure I know what I'm doing, but I'm trying. That's the one thing my parents never did with me, they didn't try."
I sit down next to him, leaving a respectable amount of space between us. "Mine didn't either, you know that. But you? You're doing more than trying. She's happy, she's confident, she clearly adores you. That's everything."
"Yeah?" He turns to look at me, and in the firelight, his eyes are almost gold. "Sometimes I wonder if she needs more. A mother figure, or at least more women in her life besides Carol and Fiona."
"She seems to be doing just fine," I say softly. "But I get it. Wanting to give her everything."
We fall into a comfortable silence, sipping wine and watching the fire. The storm continues outside, but in here, it's warm and safe.
"Can I ask you something?" Winter's voice breaks the quiet.
"Sure."
"Do you ever regret it? Leaving?"
The question hangs in the air between us. I could lie, could tell him that my career has been everything I wanted, that I have no regrets. But tonight, I need to be honest. Honest about the betrayal from Alex, about decorating the tree with Winter and his daughter, about being back in this town I ran from. It all makes me want to be honest.
"Sometimes," I admit. "Especially lately. I thought I was building something important in Indianapolis, but today I found out my boss has been having someone else work on the same project as me. Like I'm in some kind of competition I didn't even know about."
"That's shitty."
"Yeah." I laugh, but there's no humor in it. "I've given that job everything for ten years. Sixty-hour weeks, missed holidays, no real relationships because I was always working. And for what? To be pitted against someone else without even knowing it? She was an acquaintance too, I liked her."
Winter sets his wine glass down and turns to face me fully. "You deserved better than that."
"I'm starting to think I deserved better than a lot of things I settled for."
"Joy…"
"No, let me say this." I set my own glass down, turning to face him. "I left because I was scared. Scared of being trapped in this small town, scared of being in love with you so early in my life, scared of losing myself and not knowing who I was. But you know what? I lost myself anyway. Just in a different way."
