Page 20 of A Season of Second Chances
"Yeah," I agree, because I don't have words for it either.
Eventually, we separate enough to look at each other. She's got glitter in her hair, on her cheeks, probably all over both of us. I reach up and brush some from her eyebrow, and she laughs softly.
"We're a mess," she says.
"The best kind of mess."
We rest against each other, her head on my shoulder, my arms wrapped around her. This is what I've been missing. Not just the sex, though that was incredible, but this. The quiet moments after, where we just exist together. I spend so much of my life working hard, then going home and making sure Alana is good. There isn't anyone there to share my day with, to share my life with, and this gives me a preview of what it might be like.
"Joy," I say after a while, my hand running up and down her back. "I still want you to take your time thinking about the social media manager position. I don't want you to feel pressured, especially not after...this."
She pulls back to look at me, her eyes searching my face. "I appreciate it."
We start getting dressed, helping each other find pieces of clothing that got scattered in our hurry. She's putting her leggings on when we both hear it, the sound of small feet running, followed by an excited squeal.
"SANTA CAME! SANTA CAME! DAD, WHERE ARE YOU? SANTA CAME!"
Joy and I look at each other and laugh.
"Duty calls," I tell her, pulling my hoodie back on.
"Lead the way."
I reach for her hand, and she takes it without hesitation. Together, we walk out of the dining room and into the lobby where Alana is standing in her pajamas, eyes wide as she turns to go into the room with our tree.
"Dad! Look! Look at all of them!" She spots us walking in together, holding hands, and her eyes get even wider. "Joy! Santa came!"
"I can see that," Joy says, matching Alana's enthusiasm. "Should we see what he brought you?"
"Yes! Yes! Come on!" Alana grabs Joy's other hand, so now she's holding both of us, and drags us toward the tree.
As I watch my daughter bounce with excitement, and feel Joy's hand warm in mine, I think maybe Christmas miracles are real after all. Maybe not in the way I imagined when I was younger, and maybe not on the timeline I would have chosen. But standing here, watching two of the most important people in my life smile at each other over wrapping paper and ribbon, I know one thing for sure.
I hope like hell I'm blessed to see all of this happen again.
Eleven
Joy
I'm watching, nervousness gnawing at my stomach as Alana opens the bag I gave her. We've been up for a few hours, and she's been playing with the gifts that Santa gave her, and a couple that Winter slipped in, but now it's time for her to open what I made her. I've never done handmade gifts before. My family was always about how much money we could spend on each other, and in the end those gifts were personalized, they didn't mean much to any of us.
This one. This one I hope she'll remember.
She's opening the bag, taking the paper out with precision, holding her lip in between her teeth. "Be careful," I tell her, hoping she doesn't grab the cardboard, and accidentally rip it.
When she gets the paper out, she looks down, and then up. Her mouth is open and her eyes are wide. "Joy, is it a crown?"
"Yes," I laugh. "A crown for a princess." Hopefully she doesn't realize that princesses normally have tiaras
"Oh my gosh, I love it. Dad, look how much it glitters. It's amazing."
She puts it on, and runs out into the lobby, telling anyone who will listen she's got a new crown. I'm so happy it causes tears to pool in my eyes.
"You're going to be her new favorite person," he whispers as he watches her run off.
My stomach tumbles as I think about him having to tell her that I'm gone the day after tomorrow. It hurts way more than it should, and in the moment I want to tell him I'm never going anywhere again, but the fear of making a decision stops me. "She'll get another one soon enough. Aren't you always her favorite person?"
He laughs. "Not always. I'm the one who has to play good cop and bad cop all the time."
