Page 22 of A Season of Second Chances
"I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt," he finally says, his voice low and full of pain. "It did. It hurt so much I thought I wouldn't make it to the next day. But Joy, you needed to go. You needed to see what else was out there, to become who you were meant to be. I understood that, even if it killed me to watch you leave."
"Did you really?" I pull back to look at him, searching his face. "Did you really understand, or are you just saying that to make me feel better?"
He's quiet, considering. "Both, maybe. I understood it with my head, but my heart? My heart was broken for a long time. But I also knew I couldn't ask you to stay. That wouldn't have been fair to either of us. Now that I'm a parent, I understand things better than I did back then. You would have resented me eventually, wondered what you'd missed out on."
"I don't think I would have," I whisper, the honesty slipping out. "I think I would have been happy. I think we would have built a beautiful life together."
"Maybe, but I wouldn't have Alana if we did." He smiles sadly. "Or maybe we needed these ten years to become the people we are now. Maybe we weren't ready for forever when we were eighteen."
I pick up the snow globe, holding it carefully in my hands. I shake it gently, watching the snow swirl around the tiny ice skaters. "What does this one mean?" I ask. "What were you thinking when you bought it?"
Winter is quiet for so long I think he might not answer. When he does, his voice is rough with emotion. "I was thinking that maybe, somehow, love finds its way back home. That maybe the story doesn't always end when someone leaves. Sometimes it just pauses, waiting for the right moment to reignite. Which is why they're skating together. Maybe they needed each other in the end."
My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. "Winter..."
"I'm not asking you for anything," he says quickly, his voice clear and strong. "I know you have a life in Indianapolis, a job, an apartment. I know you're probably leaving tomorrow. This isn't me trying to pressure you or make you feel guilty. I just wanted you to know that what we had? It mattered. It still matters. At least to me."
"It matters to me too," I tell him, my voice shaking. "It's always mattered. I thought about coming back a few times. I just didn't know how to come back. I didn't know if you'd want me to, after everything."
"Joy, I…"
Whatever he's about to say is cut off by the sound of running feet. We pull apart just as Alana comes racing back into the lobby, her crown slightly jostled on her head, her cheeks flushed with excitement.
"Joy! Joy! Carol says my crown is the prettiest one she's ever seen!" She stops in front of us, then notices my face. Her expression immediately changes to concern. "Why are you crying? Did Dad say something mean? Sometimes he makes me cry, too."
"No, baby, your dad didn't say anything mean," I assure her quickly, wiping at my face. "These are happy tears. Your dad gave me a present, and it made me really happy."
Alana's eyes light up as she notices the snow globe on the table. "Oh, it's so pretty! Can I see? I love snow globes."
I glance at Winter, who nods. Carefully, I hand the snow globe to Alana, who shakes it to make the snow fall. She gasps in delight, watching the flakes swirl around.
"It's like real snow," she breathes. "Dad, this is the best present ever."
"I'm glad you think so," Winter says, his eyes on me rather than his daughter.
Alana shakes it again, mesmerized. Then she looks up at me with those big eyes that are so much like her father's. "Joy, are you going to be here for Christmas next year? 'Cause if you are, maybe Dad can get you another one and me one too. He's really good at picking out presents."
The question hits me like a physical blow. Winter tenses beside me, and I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my face.
"I... I don't know, sweetheart," I manage to say, my voice barely steady. "I live pretty far away."
"But you could come visit, right?" Alana presses, her voice so innocent, so hopeful. "I really like having you here. You're nice, and you made me a crown. Plus, Dad smiles more when you're around."
"Alana," Winter says gently, a warning in his voice.
"What? It's true!" She looks at her father, then back at me. "You do make him smile more. And you make me happy too. So maybe you could come back? Please?"
I swallow hard, trying to keep the tears from starting again. "That's really sweet of you to say, Alana. I like being here with you too. So much."
"So you'll come back?" She asks it like it's a done deal, like all I have to do is say yes and everything will be fine.
If only it were that easy.
"We'll see," I tell her, using the universal parent phrase even though I'm not her parent. "But even if I can't be here next Christmas, I'll always remember this one. It's been really special."
Alana seems satisfied with that answer, or at least willing to accept it for now. She carefully hands the snow globe back to me, then throws her arms around my neck in an unexpected hug.
"I'm really glad you got stuck here in the snow," she whispers against my ear. "Even if it was an accident."
