Page 29 of A Season of Second Chances
"For leaving ten years ago. For breaking my heart. For all of it." His eyes are bright with unshed tears. "I forgive you, Joy. You were eighteen, and you were trying to figure out your life. You don't need to carry that guilt anymore."
A sob escapes my throat before I can stop it. "Winter..."
"And even if we don't have a future, even if you drive away today and I never see you again, I want you to know I'm glad you got stuck here. I'm glad I got these few days with you. Because it reminded me what it felt like to be really, truly happy. And I'll always be grateful for that."
I'm sobbing now, unable to stop the tears from streaming down my face. He pulls me into his arms, and I let myself collapse against him, breathing in his scent one last time.
"I'm so sorry," I sob into his chest. "I'm so sorry for leaving you. For hurting you. For being too scared to stay."
"Shh, it's okay." He strokes my hair, his chin resting on top of my head. "It's okay, Joy. You don't have to be sorry anymore."
We stand like that for a long time, holding each other, memorizing the feel of being in each other's arms. Eventually, I pull back, wiping at my face.
"I should go," I say, even though everything in me is screaming to stay.
"Yeah." He picks up my suitcase again. "I'll take you downstairs."
We walk through the lodge in silence. It's quiet this morning, most of the guests still sleeping or having breakfast in their rooms. The Christmas tree in the lobby is lit up, the decorations Alana helped place twinkling in the morning light.
As we reach the front door, a small voice calls out.
"Joy! Wait!"
I turn to see Alana running toward us, still in her pajamas, her hair a mess from sleep. She crashes into me, wrapping her arms around my waist in a fierce hug.
"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?" she asks, looking up at me with those big eyes so much like her father's.
"Of course not, sweetheart," I lie, kneeling down to her level. "I was going to come find you."
"Good." She squeezes me tighter. "I really like you, Joy. I hope you come back to visit us soon. Maybe for New Year's? Or Valentine's Day? Dad says those are good times to visit too."
I glance up at Winter, who's looking away, his jaw tight.
"Maybe," I tell her, my voice breaking. "I'll try my best."
"Promise?" She holds out her pinky finger.
I look at that tiny finger, and my heart shatters. Because I know I can't make that promise. I know that if I leave here today, I'm not coming back. It would hurt too much. Seeing them again, leaving again, over and over. I can't do it. Emotionally I can't take it.
But I also can't break this little girl's heart right now.
So I link my pinky with hers. "I promise to try."
It's not a lie. I will try. Even if I know trying won't be enough.
Alana seems satisfied with that. She releases me and steps back, taking her father's hand. "Bye, Joy. I'm glad you got stuck in the snow with us."
"Me too, princess." I stand up, my legs shaky. "You take care of your dad, okay? He needs someone to remind him to take breaks and eat lunch."
"I will," she promises solemnly.
Winter opens the front door, and the cold air rushes in, along with the reality of what I'm about to do. His truck is running in the parking lot, warm and ready to take me away from here.
Away from him.
Away from the life I could have had.
I follow him outside, Alana waving from the doorway. The drive to where my rental car has been pulled from the ditch takes less than ten minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Neither of us speaks. There's too much to say and no way to say any of it.
