Page 70 of Somewhere Along The Line
James shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes darting between the prosecutor and my side of the gallery. He clears his throat again. They haven’t asked about who he was sitting with or talking to on the train. So far, it doesn’t seem like he’ll have to perjure himself today.
“I heard a loud sound, like a pop.”
“What happened next?”
“I dove down between the seats,” he answers.
“Why did you dive between the seats?”
“It was on instinct. I didn’t do it consciously.”
“Then what happened?” she asks.
“The car started to fill with smoke. People started coughing. I moved from the window to the aisle to position my back toward the rest of the car.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I had someone with me.” James and I lock eyes again. “I wanted to protect her.”
Heat rises behind my ears.
“Protect her from what?”
“No one knew what was going on, whether it was a bomb of some kind or a gunshot. I wanted to put myself in harm’s way if there was going to be harm. Not her.”
My eyes start to water, a sharp, stinging pain growing behind my nose as he recounts the events. I never asked what the incident was like for him. Hearing it now cracks me open.
“Did you believe you were in danger?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” she asks.
“Because of the noise and the smoke. Because trains have been the site of attacks in the past.”
“Is that why you ducked down? Because you believed this was an attack?”
“I…” James pauses for a second, glancing down at his lap and pulling slowly on his fingers as he thinks. “I believed it was an attack, yes, though I didn’t know what kind or the possible magnitude.”
“What did you think might happen?”
“I thought we might get shot, or that there may be an explosion of some kind. That something would happen to Piper, the woman I was with, whom I was trying to shield. I… knew I’d rather have something happen to me if something was going to happen. I didn’t want to be in a situation where I survived and she didn’t, or where she got injured and I could have prevented it.”
“Were you worried you might get injured or you might not survive?”
“Moreso for Piper.”
“Why was that? Did something about the environment lead you to believe she was at greater risk?”
“No, I… I didn’t believe she was at any greater risk. I just… I love her…” James glances down briefly and takes a deep inhale, “...lovedher, and protecting her was my primary concern.”
My mouth hangs open as James continues, a quick glance in my direction with the most intentional, albeit brief, eye contact I have ever seen. It’s a laser that sears through the scar tissue in my heart, bisecting it until the red pulsing flesh is exposed again. His words reverberate deep in my chest.
James loved me.
Helovesme.
Whether it was a slip of the tongue or intentional, his use of past and present tense makes me sweat from more than my palms. I’m growing warmer by the second, desperately wishing I could peel off some layers of clothing. Positioning my cold water bottle against the side of my neck is the next best option.
