Page 149 of New Growth
“Elliot, I-I…” I winced under him, his body pressing me down with his intoxicating weight. The hunger in his eyes faded instantly, as he looked at me. He let out a low, frustrated exhale, his forehead dropping to my shoulder.
“I don’t like being teased, alright? So don’t start something you aren’t ready for,” he warned with a type of quiet rage that made my back straighten and my nipples hard.
I nodded my head and choked out. “Y-Yes. I’m ready, El.”
He looked at me deeply, eyes studying me so intensely I squirmed. I saw the way his face relaxed like he realized something and with a sigh, he released me before sitting up. “No. You aren’t.”
Awkwardly, I sat up too, quietly scurrying out of the bed and into the bathroom to collect my thoughts.
Once inside, I looked at my disheveled state. Swollen lips, pale complexion, messed up hair, and sunken eyes. Not to mention the oversized Batman t-shirt and slickness sliding down my thighs.
Christ, my first climax in years, and it’s from a little dry humping. How fucking embarrassing.
Elliot was still on the bed when I walked out of the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, palms covering his eyes.
“So…” I started.
He didn’t move, or flinch. He just sat there, quietly.
“You gonna sit there in silence all day, or…?”
Still nothing.
I shifted my weight, arms crossed against the ache in my chest. “Look, I don’t know why I started shaking like that. It just—happened. But if you want to try again, we could—”
“I can’t.” His voice was quiet. “I’m sorry.”
“What?” I blinked, caught off guard. “I don’t understand.”
“I shouldn’t have let it go that far. That’s on me. I’m so sorry, Ellie.”
A long pause settled between us, and my fingers tore into the flesh of my forearms as I hugged myself closer.
“You know. I’m not some fragile thing that’s gonna break, El.”
“I know that,” he said softly.
“Then what is it? What’s the problem?”
He looked up at me then, and the tenderness in his eyes nearly undid me.
“The problem is… every time I touch you, you look like you’re about to cry,” he said. “You look at me and I see pure fear. Your whole body pulls away like you’re bracing for something bad to happen.”
I swallowed hard, my gaze drifting.
“I don’t even know I’m doing it,” I admitted. “ I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to. Maybe it’s a trauma response. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long since I’ve been intimate with someone like that. I don’t know. But coddling me isn’t helping.”
“I’m not coddling you.”
“You are.”
“No,” he said firmly. “I’m trying to make sure we don’t bulldoze through something that clearly needs more time.”
I turned away, digging through my drawer for clothes. It was time for me to leave.
“I want this to be right, Ellie,” he continued gently. “I want us to work. And if slowing down is what makes that possible. If giving you the space to feel safe again until we figure out why you react like this is what you need, then I think it’s worth waiting for.”
I paused, glancing at him through the mirror.
