Page 91 of New Growth
“No wonder you pull away from me.”
I pouted. “It was small, El.”
“A trigger is a trigger, Ellie. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”
“You didn’t know,” I said softly.
“It doesn’t make it right.”
“I promise, I’m okay.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re not, El. You’re patient and kind and so considerate. Any woman would be lucky to have a partner like you.” I paused, my voice dropping. “It’s just… I’m not there yet. And I’m scared you’re wasting your time.”
His eyes met mine, unwavering.
“Time spent on you is not wasted, Elliot. I knew what I signed up for, and I still want to know every single detail about you. Don’t worry about me. I’m just enjoying the ride you’re taking me on.”
I gave him a tired smile. “Then I won’t feel sorry for you when you get your heart broken in the long run.”
“I wouldn’t get my heart broken.”
“We’ll see.”
“I guess we will.”
We locked eyes for a moment. Then he leaned forward slightly.
“Can you tell me where it’s safe to touch?”
I studied him, heart thudding. He wasn’t asking out of curiosity or entitlement—he was asking out of care. Respect, even.
I sighed. Fighting against his determination was pointless.
“It’s hard to say. I don’t have all the spots memorized. But I know them by touch.”
“I see,” he uttered. “Well, if you don’t mind. I want to uncover the spots with you.”
He wanted to do what?
“Huh?”
His eyes softened. “I’ll be careful. I don’t want to hurt you or cause a panic attack. Let’s just focus on simple words for areas. ‘Safe’ for what’s okay. ‘Not safe’ for what’s not.”
The touch of his hands on my body had me warming up. Every part of me warned that this was a bad idea. Still, it was best he knew. Since he was hellbent on remaining in my life, laying down the boundaries now would save us in the long run.
Fuck. I said us.
Hesitatingly, I nodded. “Okay.”
“Let’s start small.”
He reached out and ran his fingers lightly over my hands, sliding gently across my knuckles.
“Safe,” I whispered.
“Okay.” He moved to my wrist, then up my forearm.
