Page 105 of New Growth
El set his glass down and exhaled. “Slow down, Elliot. I’m not looking to bring anyone home anytime soon. Okay?”
I glanced over at the jazz band playing on stage, my fingers tightening around my fork. “Still.”
The words sat heavy between us. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew El had feelings for me; the man made no effort to hide that. But something settled in me today when Hope asked me to hook her up with him. Though I originally said yes, the thought of him and her was not an image I could swallow. The thought of him with any woman gave me pause.
I didn’t like that.
“I don’t want this to be a thing,” I murmured, eyes on the edge of my plate. My voice didn’t come out as confident as I’d planned. “Let’s just… take a step back.”
El didn’t say anything right away. He just looked at me, his thumb grazing the side of his fork, his expression unreadable but not cold. Finally, he gave a small nod.
“Okay, Peanut,” he said, voice quiet but steady. “If it bothers you that much, we’ll stop.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. The pressure in my chest loosened, but the relief didn’t feel like relief. It felt hollow. Like I’d traded one ache for another—less sharp, maybe, but deeper.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He nodded again, pushing a bit of food around on his plate.
“I’ll drop you home tonight.”
Tonight.
That one word hit differently.So soon?
I stared down at my plate. My appetite vanished. “Oh. Um… okay.”
We both went quiet again, the clumsy clinking of silverware the only sound. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m meeting with my mom tomorrow,” I said suddenly, not really sure why I blurted it out.
El looked up, his brows rising just slightly. “Yeah? Are you excited?”
I gave a humorless smile. “Not like I should be.”
He tilted his head. “You never talk about her.”
“And for good reason,” I sighed.
He didn’t push. Just waited. That’s what I liked about El. He never pried—just gave you space to talk if you wanted to. I appreciated it, even when I hated what I had to say.
“We… as in my sister and I,” I started, pausing to collect my thoughts, “We had a falling out. A bad one. Years ago.”
It was a half-truth because I didn’t want to share the entire messy story at an already awkward dinner. El’s eyes softened. “You have a sister?”
“Yeah. Ryan.” I swallowed hard, forcing myself to keep going. “I guess I thought my mom would handle it better. Be neutral, you know? But… she wasn’t. She was very one-sided about the whole thing.”
He didn’t interrupt, just leaned forward slightly, giving me his full attention.
“She didn’t protect me the way I needed her to,” I explained. “She just… lets me down. Over and over.”
El’s brow furrowed just a little. Then came the question I was expecting:
“So why go see her?”
I stared at the table, tapping my nail against the edge of my plate. There wasn’t a simple answer, but I gave him the only one that felt true.
“Because she’s my mother, El.”
