Page 109 of New Growth
She just stared up at me. “I’m not gonna repeat myself.”
I looked between them, my stomach twisting. I already knew what this was. They were about to gang up on me. Again.
Still, I sat. Ryan’s eyes swept over me, warm but hesitant. “You look nice, Ellie.”
I ignored her. “Why didn’t you tell me she was coming, Ma?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t show up if I did.”
“For good reason.”
Ryan exhaled, resting her arms on the table. “It’s been almost three years, Ellie. When will you start talking to me?”
I tilted my head.
“I didn’t realize boundaries had an expiration date. I want nothing to do with the disrespect and betrayal.”
Ma sucked her teeth. “You sound like a miserable child. Normal people let go of things. It’s valid for healing.”
“No,” I corrected. “Forgivenessis valid for healing. And I’ve forgiven her. I’ve forgiven Jonathan. I’ve forgiven you for enabling it. Hell, I even forgave myself for turning a blind eye and ignoring it. All is forgiven, nothing is forgotten, and I will not throw away the peace that has given me.”
Ryan nodded slowly, pressing her lips together. “And I respect that, Ellie. I do. But I have to admit… I wish there was some way to take down a few walls, maybe? I won’t lie. I miss you.”
Ma sighed, rubbing her temple. “We all do.”
Ryan leaned forward slightly, voice softer. “I know we can’t go back to how things were. And I know we can’t change the past. But I want you in my life, Ellie. I need you.”
I eyed them both, suspicion prickling in my chest. “The walls remain up.”
Ma rolled her eyes. “Oh, God.”
“And if you two had any consideration for my feelings, you wouldn’t have ambushed me like this.”
Ryan shook her head. “You’re right. Don’t blame Ma for this—it was me. I wanted to meet, and she helped arrange it. You weren’t taking my calls, and I knew you wouldn’t show up if you knew I’d be here, so… I asked her to hide it from you.”
I huffed out a humorless laugh. “More desperation and deception. Surprise, surprise.”
Ma shot me a look. “Elliot, come on now. We traveled a long way to see you. The least you could do is have a little empathy. A little understanding toward your sister’s situation.”
“No,” I said simply. “Actually, I don’t have to. I never asked her to come. I never wanted her to come. I came to see you, Ma. I took time off from my business to spend the weekend with you. I spent my money on an expensive ass hotel to catch up with you. I did not ask for this, so my reaction is perfectly valid.”
I hated how desperate my voice sounded. It felt like I was begging my mother to empathize with my feelings about this.
Ma’s jaw clenched. “Well, life doesn’t always go your way, Elliot.”
But, of course, I had no such luck.
“You don’t get to choose the hand you’re dealt. How do you think I feel? You think I like having my two daughters go through this? You think I like picking sides? Well, I can’t even pick sides anymore because I barely know you. Your daddy died, and you didn’t even wait until the body was bloated before you were halfway around the world sulking!”
I just stared at her with my breath caught in my throat. Ma never raised her voice to me like this.
Her frustration boiled over. “I haven’t seen you in the flesh for three years, Elliot. All I get is a ten-minute phone call once a week, and you wanna talk about what’s fair? You left, and you left me to pick up all the pieces. So, forgive me if I don’t feel pity for your discomfort.”
Silence.
Ma exhaled, her voice gentler now. “You both are my children. You’re all I have left in this world. And I’ll be damned if I go in the ground next with you two fighting.”
I blinked, my chest tight. “But Ma—”
