Page 124 of New Growth
Because I wasn’t sure I could trust myself.
Because if I stayed, I knew what would happen between us, and I wasn’t ready to go there.
Yet.
“You know why,” I said simply.
The silence between us swelled, but he didn’t push. He didn’t exactly pull away, either.
“I won’t try anything, I swear. I just want to spend time with you,” He assured. I glanced at him, then back at the waves. “It is gorgeous here. I bet the view from upstairs is evenbetter.”
“I bet it is.”
“Hm.” Finally, I stood, brushing the sand from my legs. “Come on. Let’s go up.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
El ordered takeout from a local spot down the road, thankfully, because I was not in the mood to venture out from this gorgeous house. The city felt miles away. Hell, my life felt miles away.
The place was simple but cozy—salt-worn wood floors, faded curtains dancing in the breeze, and windows that framed the sea like art. It made me feel like the world had forgotten about me for a little while, and I appreciated that.
The atmosphere stayed light until bedtime. That’s when the air started to shift.
I didn’t have sleep clothes, so El offered me one of his shirts. It was the gentleness that got me. Always the gentleness.
By the time I stepped in the room, toweling off the ends of my frizzy hair, he was already stretched out on one side of the bed, propped up on an elbow, scrolling through something on his phone. He glanced up when he saw me and froze—just for a second.
He cleared his throat. “You want the window open or closed?”
“Open. I like the breeze.”
He nodded and pushed up to crack it wider, letting the cool night air drift in with the sound of the ocean. Then he settled back into bed, this time flat on his back, arms folded behind his head.
I slid under the covers and laid on my side, facing away from him at first. The pillow was soft, the room dark and still, the lull of the sea pressing in from all sides.
But I couldn’t relax.
Minutes ticked by. Maybe five. Maybe twenty.
And then I shifted onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. For some reason, in the quiet of the room, Esther’s words replayed in my head.
“El?” I whispered.
“Yeah?” His voice came low.
I hesitated, unsure if I should say it aloud. But I couldn’t stop myself. “Have you ever… been in love since your ex?”
He was quiet for a brief moment. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m just curious.”
“It’s not that simple, E. It’s complicated. Very complicated.”
I could feel the tension in the room, my pulse picking up slightly. “No, it’s not. It’s a yes or no question.”
He didn’t answer right away, just letting the silence linger. After a moment, he challenged, “Then you answer it. Have you been in love since your ex?”
I paused. I didn’t know how to answer that. “I… I don’t know.”
