Page 204 of New Growth
“But I did find a program,” he went on. “A consulting therapist who specializes in women in high-stress careers. It’s private, it’s personalized. They work with you on your terms. They work with nutrition, habits, emotional regulation, all that. It’s not just about quitting drinking. It’s about understanding why it became something you needed in the first place. Maybe you’ll even feel comfortable talking with them about what really happened with your ex.”
I blinked, unsure if I wanted to cry or crawl under a blanket and disappear. The whole thing felt so foreign to me. Ma always said we don’t talk about this kind of stuff with strangers and the idea of admitting I had a drinking problem made me feel sick.
“I ‘m sorry, I—I can’t.”
He straightened. “This isn’t me saying something’s wrong with you, Ellie. But I saw you with the bottle at your dad’s, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.”
My chest tightened, and I dropped my eyes to my lap. I didn’t say anything. He was so worried about me. I swallowed hard. I could consider it if it meant I didn’t make him worry. I could give him that peace of mind.
He reached up and gently tucked a curl behind my ear. “You don’t have to say yes right now. But I’d like you to think about it. I’ll be with you every step. You know that, right?”
I nodded.
He kissed the side of my head. “That’s all I ever ask. Just be willing.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried myself in his chest again, breathing in his scent.
“You sure you’re not gonna get sick of me once I start crying through every journaling session and texting you about my triggers?” I mumbled into his shirt.
He chuckled, wrapping his arms tighter around me. “Please. I’ll be taking notes. Plotting on how to marry you all over again.”
I let out a teary laugh. “We only just got through the first one, and you’re already plotting on the second proposal?”
“Oh, baby,” he whispered against my skin, “I’ve been planning ten of ‘em. One for every milestone. You get through this? That’s a milestone. I’ll be right there. Suit on. Flowers in hand. Ready to marry every version of you.”
Complete.
ItwasEL'evation'sfirstmajor event, and everything had to be perfect.
I could feel the anticipation in the air as I rushed through the convention center. It was the kind of place where big names in the industry came to see and be seen. But right now, all I could think about was how much I had to do.
I tried to push the worry out of my head as I glanced at the clock. It was almost time. El was somewhere around—I’d left him by a booth that sold candles which melted into hair oil when lit. The man was like a kid in a candy store, damn near hypnotized.
Meanwhile, I was trying not to spiral.
As I made my way to the preparation area, I spotted Esther walking toward me, a smile on her face despite the chaos surrounding us. Her arms were crossed as she sized me up.
“You good?” she asked, knowing I had been on edge all day.
I was not good. London left her combs at the hotel. Johanna had run off with one of the guys from a barbering booth, and Chelsea was on the verge of a panic attack.
I nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yeah. Just… trying to keep it together.”
Esther blinked. “So… no.”
“Very much no.”
She didn’t flinch, just reached out and grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to stop and meet her gaze. “Listen. You’ve done harder things thanthis. You’ve been preparing for this since last year, E. You’re built for this.”
“I know,” I said, still a little unconvinced. “But this is different. This is huge.”
Esther leaned in. “Shh! Would I have flown all this way if I thought we’d look bad?”
Weird way to build morale, but—“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Exactly! We’re gonna succeed because I would never let you embarrass yourself in public.”
This was the worst motivational speech she’s ever given.
