Page 22 of New Growth
I paused, feeling my stomach tighten as her eyes met mine. I wasn’t used to people noticing me like this—picking up on the subtle shifts in my mood. But Esther caught on right away.
“I think I’m having a panic attack,” I said with urgency.
Esther’s eyes widened.
“What?” she questioned, but her hand shot into the air before I could even respond. “Nadiya? Elliot needs a little fresh air.”
Nadiya, who had been preoccupied with her notes, immediately looked up. “Of course, Elliot. Please, take all the time you need.”
I nodded, standing up from my seat, my legs shaky beneath me.
“Want me to come with you?” Esther offered gently.
“No,” I replied quickly. “It’s fine.”
Before she could press further, I bolted out the door and down the corridor, my heart pounding erratically.
The walls seemed to close in as I moved faster, my breath hitching with every step. My chest burned, and my hands trembled uncontrollably. I stopped, leaning against the cool surface of the wall, gasping for air.
Focus. Breathe in. Breathe out.I repeated it like a mantra until the tightness in my chest began to loosen.
When I could finally breathe again, I did something impulsive—something I hadn’t planned on. Despite my better judgment, I fished my phone out of my pocket to call my mother.
We hadn’t spoken since the lunch meeting a month ago. I decided not to tell her about my move because I knew she wasn’t in the mental space to accept it. Calling her before I left would’ve meant listening to her talk me out of it. And if I’d listened, I wouldn’t be here.
The phone rang for what felt like forever before she finally picked up.
“Who is this?” she asked groggily.
I froze. I’d forgotten I’d changed my number. “It’s Elliot, Ma.”
“Elliot! Girl, why are you calling at 2 a.m.?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, cursing myself quietly.Damn it. The time difference.
“I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I didn’t realize. It’s noon here.”
“Noon? Girl, what are you—” she paused. “Elliot Sawyer, whereareyou?”
I hesitated, then answered. “I’m in Thailand.”
“Thailand?!” Her voice shot up an octave. “What the heck are you doing in Thailand?”
“I’m taking the beauty course, remember? I’ll be here for eighteen months.”
Silence. I could almost hear her bewilderment, her lips pursing, and her hands clasping together in prayer.
“Lord, what have I done to deserve such a defiant child?” She pleaded, making me roll my eyes at the dramatics. “Elliot, sweetheart. Whatever you’re doing over there can be done here in Houston. You don’t need to go to Thailand to study at no damn beauty school!”
“You don’t think I know that?” I snapped, my frustration spilling over. “I’m not just here for classes. I’m here to experience something fulfilling for once. I want a change of scenery. I want my mind off all that bullshit back at home. I want to be happy here, but it’s like I can’t because I can’t stop thinking about y’all! And I don’twantto think about it. I want to enjoy myself for once!”
“Elliot—”
“No, Ma. No!” My voice cracked. “I called because, as much as I want to cut everyone out of my life and move on, some sick part of me still wants to tell my mother about my day. And even though you berated me at my lowest, I still want you to know how I’m doing. So, I’m calling to let you know that I’m fine. And I’m going to complete this. Because I fucking deserve it!”
The line went quiet. Her silence was deafening, and for a moment, I thought she might have hung up. But then she finally said, “I’ll pray for your safe return.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
