Page 60 of The Devil in Blue Jeans
Feeling like he’d failed in every which way, Jaxon leaned forward over his knees, elbows resting on his legs, hands rubbing his face. Everything Charly had said played back in his mind like an old movie reel he couldn’t stop.
He was struggling to fix his mistake, to repair the broken trust between himself and Charly. She’d said she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but he knew it went far beyond that. She simply didn’t want to deal with any bullshit—and he’d given her a whole shovel’s worth. If he had told her what he’d said to Billy long before now, and explained himself then, they would have been having a great night and she’d be enveloped in his arms.
For such a long time, he’d lived life carelessly, doing as he pleased and never really considering anyone else’s feelings or opinions. He’d built his bar on his terms. He’d put his professional goals ahead of his personal life. Now all that was essential for him was making amends with Charly.
She didn’t want anything to do with him anymore...and for good reason. But he wanted to find a way to show her life was better with him there. That he wasn’t an anchor that would drown her, but he was there to stand by her while she floated up to her dreams.
For so long, he’d only thought of himself. He hadn’t truly cared what anyone thought of him. Until Charly.
He cursed and thrust his hands into his hair. His father would be ashamed of him, and so would his mother. The one thing he’d learned from them was the value of family. He saw that not only in how they raised him, but also in the way his father ran the ranch and treated the cowboys. Choosing his professional life over the importance of a personal life had led him to a bar he no longer owned, and a woman that he wanted to keep in his life, who didn’t want anything to do with him.
His choices led him to this. His ego for having his bar changed destroyed any chance he had with Charly. Shame dripped into every pore of his body.
Before long, the sound of thundering hooves made him turn his head toward the noise. Sure enough, Gunner and Eli were riding toward him.
When they reached him, Jaxon could barely look them in the eye. “How’d you know I was here?” he asked.
“Decker saw you head out and called,” said Eli, as he and Gunner hopped off their horses. They tied them up next to Thunder and joined him around the fire.
Damn, he must have looked worse than he thought if Decker sent out reinforcements.
Eli pulled a flask from his jacket, offering it to Jaxon. “Thought you might need this.”
“You have no idea. Thanks.” Jaxon accepted it gratefully and downed a big swig of burning whiskey. He grimaced as it went down his throat.
“Want to tell us what’s going on?” Eli asked.
Gunner and Eli had known Jaxon since he was a little kid. They’d gone through all the years of school together. They’d been through big highs and terrible lows. Butthis... Jaxon had never gone through this—he’d always been in control, not needing anyone...
He sighed, rubbing the spot on his chest that wouldn’t stop aching. After taking another shot, he handed the flask to Gunner and gave them a recap that Charly had found out he went to Billy and suggested buying the bar back if he couldn’t change their minds on the vision for the bar.
“Ouch,” Gunner said before taking his own swig from the flask.
“You could say that,” Jaxon agreed, rubbing the back of his aching neck. “She handled it better than I would have expected...which somehow made it worse.” The embers of the campfire flew up into the night sky as he continued, “I thought I could handle her coming over to my house and giving me a piece of her mind. Instead, she said she understood why I did what I did because she would have done anything to save her bar too.”
Eli frowned. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
He closed his eyes briefly before replying in a strained voice, “Regardless how she felt about it, and that she ultimately forgave me for being an ass, it’s over and there’s nothing I can do about that.”
“Anything can be worked out,” Eli offered.
Jaxon shook his head, holding out his hand for the flash again. Once Gunner handed it to him, he took another long swig. “I don’t think so. This just reminded her of her heartbreak she’s been through. That she once planned a life with a man who destroyed those plans, no less than three months ago. I reminded her that a relationship can hurt.” He ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep breath. “She wanted out and I don’t blame her. There’s a reason relationships are hard—and why I avoided them.”
“You don’t mean that,” Gunner said, with a stern face. “Those were empty days, Jaxon, and lonely nights—you don’t want to do that again. These past weeks with Charly were the happiest I’ve ever seen you.”
“Agreed,” Eli said.
They were right, Jaxon felt that truth right down to his gut, but the pressure still weighed heavily on Jaxon’s shoulders. He shouldn’t have gone to Billy all for his own ego. What had he been thinking? His behavior with women would never have made his parents proud. No doubt they had wanted him to find a woman just like Charly to settle down with and give them grandchildren. Now karma was reaping its revenge on him. Because he liked Charly.
Spending time with her and her friends made him realize he wanted to be a better man. He wanted to be a man that others looked up to. He wanted women to think highly of him. And the thought of not hearing Charly laugh, not seeing that smile, not feeling her melt beneath his hands, was a punishment he did not want to endure.
“Was that the only reason?” Gunner asked, as if that wasn’t enough of one.
Jaxon sighed, scrapping a hand over his tired eyes. “She wants to focus on the bar and put all her effort there.” He dropped his hands, looking between his friends. “Putting her professional life before her personal life—ever heard that before?”
Eli’s mouth twitched. “Sounds familiar.”
Jaxon had done that his whole life too. It felt like some twisted joke that the logic he used for not wanting a relationship was now smacking him in the face when he wanted to get serious with someone.
